Far Worse than Carbon Dioxide...

At a news conference in Washington today, President Obama announced that he is directing the Environmental Protection Agency to act immediately to enforce a new set of regulations to limit emissions of dihydrogen oxide gas, or water vapor, one of the primary causes of catastrophic anthropogenic climate change.

“The world faces a crisis,” the president intoned, “and America must lead. We have taken the first step by limiting carbon emissions, but that cannot be effective unless we deal with the larger menace posed by dihydrogen oxide pollution as well. Since Congress has failed in its duty to pass the required laws, I, as president, am directing the EPA to move unilaterally to issue and enforce appropriate regulations.”

The importance of dealing quickly with the dihydrogen oxide crisis was dramatically made clear by EPA Administrator Gina McCarthy, who showed charts comparing current atmospheric CO2 levels, at 400 parts per million, with those of water vapor, which are now greater than 10,000 parts per million. “And not only do dihydrogen oxide levels exceed CO2 more than twenty times over,” Ms. McCarthy said, “but each molecule of DHO has greater greenhousing effect. So we need to get control of this without delay.”

That dihydrogen oxide is nasty stuff!

Read the whole thing...

Quote of the Day...

This is a long one, but choice: Matt Walsh writes an apology letter to President Obama, tongue planted very firmly in cheek.  The lead:

Dear President Obama,

I’m reaching out to you as a friend. I know you must be deeply hurting after what happened at the Missouri State Fair. Sure, you probably try to avoid watching the news while you’re on vacation, but I’m sure the pilot who airlifted your dog to your rental mansion in Martha’s Vineyard probably caught you up to speed (that guy is such a chatterbox). Your jaw must have hit the floor when you heard the news: A rodeo clown in Missouri poked fun at you. Yeah, I know, almost impossible to believe. The gall! The gumption! The racism! Don’t worry, the entire country erupted in outrage, Democrats and Republicans issued statements of condemnation, and now the offending clown has been banned for life from the Missouri State Fair. There will likely be “action taken” against the Missouri Rodeo Clown Association, and I do hope justice is visited upon them swiftly. I think we’re all a little sick of the Missouri Rodeo Clown Association causing trouble. It’s something new every week with those freakin’ guys. 

You most definitely want to read the whole thing.

What a thin skin our narcissist-in-chief has!

Major News from Curiosity on Mars...

The lead:

PASADENA, CA­—Nearly a year after Curiosity’s triumphant Mars landing, scientists at the Jet Propulsion Laboratory announced today that the NASA rover is preparing to explore a large structure six kilometers south of the Gale Crater, which preliminary reports indicate is an enormous Martian synagogue.

Read the whole thing...

In the News...

Spotted:

WASHINGTON—Saying that none of the facts quite add up, first daughter Sasha Obama, 11, reported being “highly suspicious” today after poking around the details of the 2012 Benghazi attack. “I’m sorry, but it just doesn’t make sense—first they blame the attack on a spontaneous demonstration, but now we find out the CIA talking points were secretly revised?” said the sixth-grader, sitting in the darkened White House library intensely scrolling through pages of articles about the controversy and classified Pentagon briefings. “Obviously, someone’s hiding something: the poor security; the al-Qaeda link; the leaked emails. All I’m asking for here is a simple explanation from the State Department and the White House, and I’m not getting one. I mean, who are they protecting here? And why?” Sasha went on to tell reporters she felt even more suspicious after former defense secretary Leon Panetta failed to respond to any of her 24 voicemails.

The Onion, of course.

When you've lost the Onion, ...

Rustic, Do-It-Yourself Vibe...

An excellent satire on how the left thinks about guns...

How I Wish Congress (or Obama) Behaved...

This brilliant clip lampoons Congress and Obama for ratcheting up the national debt – and it does so in a way that absolutely anyone can comprehend.  The facial expressions of the banker eloquently convey the reactions that any fiscal conservative would wish that Congress and the executive branch would have when asked to raise the debt limit.  I know, I know, it isn't going to happen.  But I can still hope, can't I?

Don't Take That Tone With Me, Fat Boy...

It's really, really hard to excerpt one of Iowahawk's satirical masterpieces.  This one – You Didn't Build That – is easier than most:

Then the economy heard the sound of the Lord Govt returning from vay-cay with the demigovts Osha and Tarp and Irs. It was the cool of the day, and they were hiding their profits from the Lord Govt among the trees of the garden. 26 But the Lord Govt called to the manufacturer, “Where are you?”

He answered, “I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid, so I sought a tax shelter.”

And Govt said, “Who told you that your profits were yours? Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from? ”

The man said, “The retailer made me —she has a thing for serpents.”

Then the Lord Govt said to the retailer, “What is this you have done?”

And she said to the Lord Govt, “Don't take that tone with me, fat boy. And why should I give you my profits?”

Iowahawk made my morning. Go read the whole thing; it's not that long...

Quantum Rhetoric...

Iowahawk is back with another satirical take on Washington.  The lead:

WASHINGTON DC - Jubilant scientists at the DNC's High Speed Word Collider (HSWC) announced today they have conclusively disproven the existence of Roberts' Taxon, the theoretical radioactive Facton particle that some had worried would lead to the implosion of the entire Universal Health Care System.

"I think it's time to pop the champagne corks," said HSWC Director David Plouffe. "Then blaze some choom."

The landmark experiment in Quantum Rhetoric began early this week after legal particle cosmologist John Roberts published a paper in the Quarterly Journal of Tortured Logic that solved the long-debated Pelosi's Paradox in Universal Health Care Theory.

But do go read the whole thing...

Satire in Music, Presidential Leaks Edition...

Unusually well done:

Life of Julia: Some Other Perspectives...

The Obama campaign's Life of Julia is starting to look more and more like one of those exploding Acme cigars.  Two people with slightly different views and predictions, here and here...

Preserving Hope...

I found this satirical take on Obama's performance on, of all places, the Huffington Post.  Four years ago, you could depend on the Huffington Post for completely unadulterated Obama adoration.  These days?  Not so much...

My level of hope is enhanced :-)

The Blind, Pre-Op Transexual Imam...

Iowahawk does it again.  A sample:

Amid the growing crisis, New York mayor Michael Bloomberg ordered a SWAT team of negotiators from the city's Multicultural Affairs Office parachuted to the scene. A brief truce was reached when negotiators pointed out to the Imam Markowicz's status as a pre-op transexual, obviating his religious objections to performing a same-sex marriage. But tensions erupted again after Markowicz - who is legally blind - tried to enter the mosque with a seeing-eye guide dog.

But please do read the whole thing.  After you put your beverage down, though...

Iowahawk on Obama and the Leak...

Don't miss it.

The Sarah Palin Homunculus that Lives Inside Liberals' Heads...

IowaHawk is at it again.  WARNING: put your drink down before reading...

Satirical Must Read...

IowaHawk.  Satire.  Obama's SOTU.

I'm sure I need say no more, but just in case you've somehow been cruelly punished by missing IowaHawk's previous satirical masterpieces, here's a bit out of this one:

Such was his triumph that I and my guests were rendered emotionally spent, the tears cascading down our awestruck cheeks. Nearly overcome, Brooks likened it to the the best works of Rimsky-Korsakov. I objected to this silly assessment, as I have always found the Russian too cloying and self-insistent for an educated musical palate. No, I replied, in this speech Mr. Obama proved himself Mozart incarnate, against which the Republican Salieris could only respond with their same inane repertoire of off-key tax cut polkas.

After regaining our collective composure we found ourselves in unanimous accord that Mr. Obama had finally discovered political oratory's legendary lost chord, satisfying both to the trained ear of the discerning connoisseur and the primal aesthetics of the lower castes. If Congreve was correct that music hath charms to soothe the savage breast, then Mr. Obama's clever paeans to populism will hopefully tranquilize and chastise the savages of the Tea Party, that they can once again be put safely back in their proper pens.

Bonus in this piece: a punny final line...

Hope and Change, Oh My!

Reader Jim M. passes along this little gem:

Notice to All Employees

As of November 5, 2008, if Obama is officially elected into office, our company will instill a few new policies which are in keeping with his new, inspiring issues of change and fairness.

1. All salespeople will be pooling their sales commissions into a common pool that will be divided equally between all of you. This will serve to give those of you who are under achieving a 'fair shake.'

2. All hourly employees will be pooling their wages, including overtime, into a common pool, dividing it equally amongst yourselves. This will help those who are 'too busy for overtime' to reap the rewards from those who have more spare time and can work extra hours.

3. All top management will now be referred to as 'the government.' We will not participate in this 'pooling' experience because the law doesn't apply to us.

4. The 'government' will give eloquent speeches to all employees every week, encouraging its workers to continue to work hard 'for the good of all.'

5. The employees will be thrilled with these new policies because it's 'good to spread the wealth.' Those of you who have underachieved will finally get an opportunity; those of you who have worked hard and had success will feel more 'patriotic.'

6. The last few people who were hired should clean out their desks. Don't feel bad though, because President Obama will give you free healthcare, free handouts, free oil for heating your home, free food stamps, and he'll let you stay in your home for as long as you want even if you can't pay your mortgage. If you appeal directly to our democratic congress, you might even get a free flat screen TV and a coupon for free haircuts (shouldn't all Americans be entitled to nice looking hair?) !!!

If for any reason you are not happy with the new policies, you may want to think hard about your vote on November 4th.

Fatally Wounded

ScrappleFace nails it again:

"The Bush foreign policy continues to be fatally-wounded by clarity of purpose, dogged persistence and a pathetic failure to capitulate in the face of opposition. At a time when a real leader would be paralyzed with self-doubt over the meaningless deaths of 2,000 American troops, Bush continues to act as if freeing 25 million Iraqis from decades of oppression, torture and death is somehow worth the price paid by those who volunteered to fight."

Read the whole thing right now!