Tuesday, January 18, 2011

I Sure Miss This Guy...

It was easier then, to know who opposed us, and why...

The Chicago Way...

“The Chicago Way” is the moniker used to describe the ways of politics in Chicago.  The politics that Obama came out of.  This little story describes it very well:
There was an investigation of voter fraud in Chicago, and the investigators wrote to my friend’s grandmother, asking to interview her. This made her nervous. She was a widow and lived alone, and so she turned to her son who was away in college and asked that he return to be with her when the investigators came to see her.

And so he did. The investigator had a question or two to ask. It was 1947, and he wanted to know whether her husband had died in 1928 as the records seemed to indicate – and she acknowledged that sadly this was so. Then, the investigator posed his second question. “Why, then,” he asked, “had her husband continued voting with such admirable regularity in the two decades since his decease?”

My friend's grandmother reportedly paused then -- and for a long time. Then, if the story is true, she looked the investigator in the eye and posed a question of her own, which brought the interview to an abrupt end. “What is this all about?” she asked. “Why would anyone suppose that just because a man has died he has given up his interest in politics?”

MATLab Alternative?

This sure looks like an interesting alternative to MATLab.  Especially the free, open-source part!

Good Doggie!

Meet Chaser, a 6 year old border collie from Spartansburg, South Carolina.  Chaser is a typical border collie, busy and motivated.  Oh, and she knows over 1,000 words!

Pro-Business Rhetoric from ...Obama?

If you casually and credulously read Mr. Obama's words in todays Wall Street Journal, it sounds like he's advocating a pro-business review of federal regulations on the books.  A more careful parsing of the text, however, reveals that he's equally ready to make the regulations even more onerous to business.  And he can't help but get a partisan dig in, blaming the current recession on regulatory failure. 

I'd really like to believe that Mr. Obama was taking some lessons from November to heart, and was really going to do his best to ease regulations on businesses to help stoke our jobs engine.  The cynic in me says that this is just another crisis that he'll feel compelled to take advantage of.  Time will tell, and probably nothing else will.

Others are wondering similar things...

Man's Best Friend...

Via reader Jim M., this ode to man's best friend:

A real woman is a man's best friend.

She will never stand him up and never let him down.

She will reassure him when he feels insecure and comfort him after a bad day.

She will inspire him to do things he never thought he could do; to live without fear and forget regret.

She will enable him to express his deepest emotions and give in to his most intimate desires.

She will make sure he always feels as though he's the most handsome man in the room and will enable him to be the most confident, sexy, seductive and invincible...

No, wait...


I'm thinking of whiskey.  It's whiskey that does all that shit.

Never mind.

After Retirement...

Via reader Dave H., what wives can look forward to after their husbands retire.  I'm pretty sure this guy was a software engineer:

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target.

Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target:

Dear Mrs. Harris,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

And last, but not least:

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.


First they tell us to stand by for extended drought caused by global warming.  Then they tell us to stand by for extended drought and desertification caused by “climate change”.  Now they're warning us that we could have a “superstorm” that lasts for over a month and dumps over 100 inches of rain – based on historical records of such storms occuring before, most recently in the early 1860s...