Sunday, December 29, 2013


Punishment...  I have been undecided about whether to inflict these upon my readers, as my mother inflicted them on me.  I'm mad at the world today, though, so I'm turning them loose.  Warning: once read, these cannot be unpunned...
I tried to catch some fog. I mist.

When chemists die, they barium.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray isnow a seasoned veteran.

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words .

They told me I had type A blood, but it was a type-O.

This dyslexic man walks into a bra .

PMS jokes aren't funny, period.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

A cross-eyed teacher lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds..

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!

Broken pencils are pointless.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool .

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

All the toilets in London police stations have been stolen.  Police say they have nothing to go on.

I took the job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Velcro - what a rip off!

Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.
My dad loved awful puns.  He'd have been smiling for hours after reading these...

Crowdsourcing the end of free speech...

Crowdsourcing the end of free speech...  An excellent post, chock full of ponder-worthy ideas, by Daniel Greenfield at Sultan Knish...

The old cowboy gets a shave...

The old cowboy gets a shave...  Via my mom:
An old cowboy walks into a barbershop in Dime Box for a shave and a haircut. He tells the barber he can't get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age.

The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells the old cowboy to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin. When he's finished, the old cowboy tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he'd had in years, but he wanted to know what would have happened if he had accidentally swallowed that little ball.

The barber replied, just bring it back in a couple of days like everyone else does...
Catalog of NSA hacking tools...  Thank you, Snowdon...

It doesn't matter who you are...

It doesn't matter who you are...  Via my mom...

Benjamin Franklin, leaker...

Benjamin Franklin, leaker...  Really!