Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor...
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
Why do they put braille on the drive-through bank machines?
If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?
Is there another word for synonym?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
Lenin's tomb is a communist plot.
If you don't pay your exorcist will you be repossessed?
Can an atheist get insurance against acts of god?
If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times, does he become disoriented?
Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids"?
Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
How is it possible to have a "civil" war?
Does the little mermaid wear an algebra?
One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Good for some chuckles and ponders... Sent along by Simon M.: