Monday, November 28, 2005

Shaped Like Iran

Today’s “Day by Day” cartoon contains a reference to a “glass parking lot, shaped like Iran”. For over fifty years I’ve been hearing my Dad advocate such nuclear-powered solutions to vexing political (or cultural, or criminal) problems. Usually he’d talk about the benefits of the radioactive glass, and the even greater benefits of “disappearing” the glass’s ingredients. I got a good laugh from hearing Chris Muir say something similar in his cartoon this morning.

And at this point I’m so frustrated with the mad mullahs that the glass parking lot solution is sounding pretty good…

Email Chain

Have you ever received an email that expresses something you agree with in a powerful, clever, or funny way — and then passed it along to others whom you think might enjoy it? I certainly have. That’s the essence of an “email chain” (whether or not the author explicitly asks you to pass it along). With the advent of nearly universal email, it’s a powerful way of delivering a message, and it’s free.

But these days I’m a little more cautious forwarding such things. The caution comes from having been burned a couple of times by outright falsehoods in the message — and even if the message is one that I agree with, I do not want to be a party to marketing the message with a lie.

This morning I received a chain email from a friend, and it was one I’d seen before — in early 2002. Like others I’ve received, it has a message that I agree with: basically it chides the Democrats for their implications of high casualty rates in Afghanistan and Iraq, and their complaints about the overly-long military actions there. The email does this in a way that is clever, but isn’t quite honest.

I’ll start dissecting this email by pointing out one part of it that is completely accurate: toward the end it embeds a faithful transcript of a speech on the U.S. Senate floor, by John Glenn responding to Howard Metzenbaum:

I served 23 years in the United States Marine Corps. I served through two wars. I flew 149 missions. My plane was hit by anti-aircraft fire on 12 different occasions. I was in the space program.

It wasn’t my checkbook, Howard; it was my life on the line. It was not a nine-to-five job, where I took time off to take the daily cash receipts to the bank. I ask you to go with me … as I went the other day… to a veteran’s hospital and look those men - with their mangled bodies - in the eye, and tell THEM they didn’t hold a job!

You go with me to the Space Program at NASA and go, as I have gone, to the widows and orphans of Ed White, Gus Grissom and Roger Chaffee… and you look those kids in the eye and tell them that their Dads didn’t hold a job.

You go with me on Memorial Day and you stand in Arlington National Cemetery, where I have more friends buried than I’d like to remember, and you watch those waving flags.

You stand there, and you think about this nation, and you tell ME that those people didn’t have a job? I’ll tell you, Howard Metzenbaum; you should be on your knees every day of your life thanking God that there were some men - SOME MEN - who held REAL jobs. And they required a dedication to a purpose - and a love of country and a dedication to duty that was more important than life itself. And their self-sacrifice is what made this country possible.

I HAVE held a job, Howard! What about you?"

Now that’s a fine little speech. Stirs the blood. Makes you want to smack Howard Metzenbaum around a bit, doesn’t it?

I’m ancient enough to have a clear memory of that speech being given. The email claims it happened on January 26, 2004, but Senator Glenn had been retired for over four years at that point. In actuality, Glenn gave this speech in 1974, during the campaign in which he was first elected senator. I was at that time in the U.S. Navy, and that speech got a lot of play in the media. An aside: John Glenn was a Democrat — hard to credit given his party’s posturings now, isn’t it? And he was succeeded by a Republican — the disgusting Senator “crybaby” George Voinovich. Something in the water in Ohio…

The email also repeats a urban legend: that the above speech by John Glenn was an impromptu response to Howard Metzenbaum asking “How can you run for Senate when you’ve never held a real job?” In actual fact, so far as I can find out, Howard Metzenbaum never actually uttered those words (though he implied as much during the campaign, frequently and snidely). And that speech was far from impromptu: it was carefully crafted by the finest speechwriters that money could buy — to imply otherwise is to insult the Peggy Noonans of the world. Just after the speech, the email makes a claim that I cannot substantiate: that Howard Metzenbaum represented the Communist Party during World War II. Various biographys of Metzenbaum all verify that he was an attorney during the war, but I’ve not found a single reference him representing the Communist Party — not even on a simple suit.

So the email faithfully repeats Glenn’s speech, but mischaracterizes it a little. Not so bad yet. But before the speech, the email says this:

Things that make you think a little…

1. There were 39 combat related killings in Iraq during the month of January…

In the fair city of Detroit there were 35 murders in the month of January. That’s just one American city, about as deadly as the entire war torn country of Iraq.

2. When some claim President Bush shouldn’t have started this war, state the following …

FDR…led us into World War II. Germany never attacked us: Japan did. From 1941-1945, 450,000 lives were lost, an average of 112,500 per year.

Truman…finished that war and started one in Korea, North Korea never attacked us. From 1950-1953, 55,000 lives were lost, an average of 18,334 per year.

John F. Kennedy. ..started the Vietnam conflict in 1962. Vietnam never attacked us.

Johnson…turned Vietnam into a quagmire. From 1965-1975, 58,000 lives were lost, an average of 5,800 per year.

Clinton…went to war in Bosnia without UN or French consent, Bosnia never attacked us. He was offered Osama bin Laden’s head on a platter three times by Sudan and did nothing.

Osama has attacked us on multiple occasions.

3. In the two years since terrorists attacked us: President Bush has liberated two countries, crushed the Taliban, crippled al-Qaida, put nuclear inspectors in Libya, Iran and

North Korea without firing a shot, and captured a terrorist who slaughtered 300,000 of his own people.

The Democrats are complaining about how long the war

is taking, but … It took less time to take Iraq than it took Janet Reno to take the Branch Davidian compound. That was a 51-day operation.

We’ve been looking for evidence of chemical weapons in Iraq for less time than it took Hillary Clinton to find the Rose Law Firm billing records.

It took less time for the 3rd Infantry Division and the Marines to destroy the Medina Republican Guard than it took Ted Kennedy to call the police after his Oldsmobile sank at Chappaquiddick killing a woman.

The above is a little sloppy on the facts, but not actually too bad. The reference to Detroit is accurate, though of course the writer picked one of our most violent cities. The litany of Democratic Presidents taking us into wars is accurate — though the death tolls listed are American deaths, not total deaths in those wars. I could quibble about the FDR and World War II references — there are som actual attacks by the Germans, and their allies the Japanese most certainly did attack us. Of course all the smaller conflicts and wars that Republican Presidents led us into (Panama, Grenada, the first Gulf War, to mention a few) were all left out. The last paragraph is cute, but I think not factually correct.

But the real point is this: what on earth does the above have to do with Senator Glenn’s speech? Utterly nothing, so far as I can tell. It’s just a bald attempt to attach the power of Senator Glenn’s fine speech to the message of the anonymous author.

Many of the chain emails I get are far worse than this one — filled with ouright falsehoods and mischaracterizations. And sometimes, of course, the message is not one that I can agree with. But no matter what the message, these days I try to check them out before I pass them along. Google and Snopes are my two favorite references. For Google, I just pick a sentence or two at random from the email, and search for it (with quotes around it); nearly always Google finds some mentions, and usually there’s at least one case where someone fact-checked the email. Snopes is an invaluable resource dedicated to dissecting urban legends and figuring out whether they’re true or false. I wish more people would do this before they passed along a message full of lies…