To All Dogs and Cats...

Via reader Simi L., who gets an awful lot of good stuff:

To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - snout height:

Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate of food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to bark, claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years --canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:

To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets

1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it furniture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:

1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3. Are easier to train
4. Usually come when called
5. Never drive your car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions
9. Don't wear your clothes
10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.

Heh!

Merry Christmas, everybody!
(from Jamul, California – expecting rain tonight and on Christmas)

Congressional Motors...

Reader Simi L. sent me an email with this essay, and then a little Googling let me know it was written by Iowahawk. Now, Iowahawk has written some wonderful and funny stuff – and this piece doesn't disappoint. Here's the lead:

It's in the way you dress. The way you boogie down. The way you sign your unemployment check. You're a man who likes to do things your own way. And on those special odd-numbered Saturdays when driving is permitted, you want it in your car. It's that special feeling of a zero-emissions wind at your back and a road ahead meandering with possibilities. The kind of feeling you get behind the wheel of the Pelosi GTxi SS/Rt Sport Edition from Congressional Motors.

All new for 2012, the Pelosi GTxi SS/Rt Sport Edition is the mandatory American car so advanced it took $100 billion and an entire Congress to design it. We started with same reliable 7-way hybrid ethanol-biodeisel-electric-clean coal-wind-solar-pedal power plant behind the base model Pelosi, but packed it with extra oomph and the sassy styling pizazz that tells the world that 1974 Detroit is back again -- with a vengeance.

We've subsidized the features you want and taxed away the rest. With its advanced Al Gore-designed V-3 under the hood pumping out 22.5 thumping, carbon-neutral ponies of Detroit muscle, you'll never be late for the Disco or the Day Labor Shelter. Engage the pedal drive or strap on the optional jumbo mizzenmast, and the GTxi SS/Rt Sport Edition easily exceeds 2016 CAFE mileage standards. At an estimated 268 MPG, that's a savings of nearly $1800 per week in fuel cost over the 2011 Pelosi.

Now go read the whole thing!

Laugh or Cry?

I don't know whether to laugh or cry after reading Mark Steyn's recent piece We're in the fast lane to Bailoutistan. Here's the end of it:

See the USA from your Chevrolet: An hereditary legislature, a media fawning its way into bankruptcy, its iconic coastal states driving out innovators and entrepreneurs, the arrival of the new Messiah heralded only by the leaden dirge of "We Three Kings Of Ol' Detroit Are/Seeking checks we traverse afar," and Route 66 looking ever more like a one-way dead-end street to Bailoutistan. Boy, I sure could use a poem by Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis right now, even one of the lesser-loved ones.

"I feel like I lost my country," the Hudson Institute's Herbert London said the other day, wondering whatever happened to the land of opportunity and dynamism. But I'm more of an optimist. Maybe Princess Caroline will be appointed CEO of GM and all will be well. Or maybe Bed, Bath & Beyond will put wheels on the Swash 700 Elongated Biscuit Toilet Seat Bidet.

And on that cheery note let me wish you a very Hopey Changemas.

You know you want to go read the whole thing...

Common Sense - Where DId It Go?

Via my mom:

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No o ne knows for sure how old she was since her birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. She will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, life isn't always fair, and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not children are in charge).

Her health began to deteriorate rapidly when well intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened her condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job they themselves failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Aspirin, sun lotion or a Band-aid to a student, but could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar can sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gav e up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by her parents, Truth and Trust; her husband, Discretion; her daughter, Responsibility; and her son, Reason. She is survived by three stepbrothers; I Know my Rights, Someone Else is to Blame, and I'm a Victim.

Not many attended her funeral because so few realized she was gone. If you still remember her, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

First thought I had after reading this: what do you suppose any of the Founding Fathers might think of what their creation has turned into? I think they'd be horrified and revolted – and they'd consider their finest achievement to have failed...

Something for the Fogies...

Courtesy of Simi L.:

Q: Where can men over the age of 60 find younger, sexy women who are interested in them?
A: Try a bookstore – under fiction.

Q: What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause?
A: Keep busy. If you're handy with tools, you can finish the basement. When you are done you will have a place to live.

Q: Someone has told me that menopause is mentioned in the Bible. Is that true? Where can it be found?
A: Yes. Matthew 14:92: 'And Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Egypt. '

Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your 60+ year old husband?
A: Tell him you're pregnant.

Q: What can I do for these crow's feet and all those wrinkles on my face?
A: Go braless. It will usually pull them out.

Q: Why should 60+ year old people use valet parking?
A: Valets don't forget where they park your car.

Q: Is it common for 60+ year olds to have problems with short term memory storage?
A: Storing memory is not a problem, retrieving it is a problem.

Q: As people age, do they sleep more soundly?
A: Yes, but usually in the afternoon.

Q: Where should 60+ year olds look for eye glasses?
A: On their foreheads.

Q: What is the most common remark made by 60+ year olds when they enter antique stores?
A: 'Gosh, I remember these.

Heh! I resemble (some of) those remarks...

Brrrr...

It was cold this morning when I walked the dogs – 36°F (2°C). Our low last night was 35°F. Looks like frost is coming our way a little early this year.

Must be that global warmening.

Or perhaps Al Gore is in town?

Storm Total: 5.35 Inches!

It looks like this storm is done with; we got our last rain about an hour ago and the radar looks clear. The pressure bottomed out at 29.55 inches of mercury, the second-lowest I've ever recorded (in six years of weather tracking). Our creeks are flowing and catch-ponds are starting to fill; in the past 7 years this hasn't happened until late January or February. And our yard is greening, over a month ahead of the schedule we've had in recent years. All good! And a chance of even more rain is forecast for Monday...

Meanwhile, the paper reports:

The dry season that long-range forecasters had predicted for Southern California has taken a sharp turn toward very wet.

Wednesday, the second storm in three days battered the region, forcing dramatic rescues from flood waters near the border and causing the death of a man in Tijuana.

San Diego has had more than twice its normal seasonal rainfall for mid-December. Although residents should catch a break over the next few days, the rainy pattern might be in place through the end of month, according to the National Weather Service.

That dry season that was forecast? That was the global-warming models at work. In the past few months, those models seem to be running right off the tracks, predicting phenomena that are the opposite of what reality turns out to be. Most of those models forecast a sustained and expanding drought for our area – but instead, it's starting to look like the end of the drought...

ROFL!

One of the finest examples of the art of advertising I have ever seen...

It Just Keeps Getting Better...

The rain, that is. We've gotten 2.75 inches so far this storm system – a veritable drenching by our normal standards – and it is still raining, and the forecast is for more rain all day today. The radar picture at right was snapped just before I posted this, and that rain to the southwest of us (the yellow, orange, and red parts) is heading straight for us.

Woo hoo!

Earthquake!

Ok, so it was an itsy-bitsy teenie-weenie earthquake: a whopping magnitude 1.2. I'm pretty sure you couldn't feel that even if you were standing on the epicenter. The seismograph charts at right show the story, and you can read the details yourself, or look at a map of its location (not far from the Jamul Indian reservation).

Hmm... Maybe Mother Nature is practicing, just in case the casino gets built?

The End Looks Like This...

The end of the dry season, that is! Our rain total for the month is now 2.5 inches (64mm), all of which has fallen in the past three days (most of it in the last day). And it's still raining as I write this – and more is in the forecast for the next few days.

To my readers in wetter places, 2.5 inches may not sound like a lot. However, that amount is about 12% of the total rain we've received for this entire year! For the past eight years, this area has been in the grips of a fairly severe drought, with annual rainfall totals well under the 100 year average. I don't want to jinx anything, but...so far, this rainy season looks a lot more like a normal year than a drought year. It's been a long time since we've seen this much rain so early in the wet season.

More, please!

Gardner: 8 Years...

About seven years ago, in a different life, I sat down with this man to negotiate the sale of a technology and product line that my company had developed. He is Stephen Gardner, and at that time he was the CEO of Peregrine Systems, here in San Diego. Today this news:

Former Peregrine Systems Chief Executive Stephen Gardner was sentenced Thursday to eight years and one month in prison for his role in the massive fraud that sent the once-high-flying software company spiraling into bankruptcy.

Prosecutors charged that Gardner and 17 other Peregrine executives systematically overstated revenue by millions of dollars from 1999 to 2001 ensuring that the company's stock would climb in value.

Shareholder losses following the collapse of the scam are estimated at $3 billion.

“I did hide problems in the hope that they would be fixed and we could move on,” Gardner told U.S. District Judge Thomas Whelan in San Diego before being sentenced. “I was dedicated to making Peregrine a great company and I failed.”

The former head of one of San Diego's most prominent tech companies pleaded guilty in March 2007 to one count each of securities fraud, obstruction of justice and conspiracy to commit securities and wire fraud.

He had originally been indicted on 46 counts.

Under the terms of his plea, Gardner had faced a sentence of up to 20 years. He also agreed to cooperate with investigators and testify against the remaining defendants.

In that testimony, the disgraced former CEO laid out how he had presided over an accounting scheme that lasted for years. He described how the sham business deals had mounted, quarter after quarter, until Peregrine became a runaway train of corporate corruption.

He and I never reached agreement on a deal, mainly because he insisted on paying us in Peregrine stock (instead of cash), and we were quite skeptical of the value of that stock. Not long afterward, Peregrine cratered – and we were very glad we didn't reach an agreement.

Still, it's an odd feeling to know that someone I once tried to do business with was actually committing fraud, knowingly, at the very time I was working with him...

More here, here, here, and here...

Auto Bailout DOA...

At least for now.

Good.

Sources of Heat...

Before NASA's Voyager robotic explorers flew by Jupiter in 1979, scientists believed that Jupiter's moons – so far from the sun's heat – were cold, frozen places. The Voyagers rather dramatically showed otherwise, spotting sulphur volcanoes on Io and the ice-encrusted oceans of Europa (at right).

Soon a new scientific consensus formed around the notion of tidal forces as the source of the heat needed to produce these observed phenomena. Now scientist Robert Tyler has published a paper that first shows that tidal forces aren't powerful enough to provide the heat needed, and proposes a different mechanism that would produce the necessary heat.

Tyler's paper is unusual for being a single-author paper – most papers in his field are team efforts.

The source of heat that Tyler proposes derives from the fact that these moons rotate on an axis that's oblique to their orbital plane. This produces Rossby waves (which I had never heard of until this morning) that are energetic enough to explain the observed heat on Europa (the subject of Tyler's study). It will be very interesting to see if this same source of energy can explain observations on other moons in our solar system.

For more, see here, here, here, and here.

The most obvious consequence of Tyler's discovery is this: there may well be many planets and moons (around our Sun and around other stars) that are too far from their sun for solar heat to provide the conditions for life, but which nonetheless have enough heat to provide liquid water and energy. We have forms of life right hear on earth that could survive and even thrive in several environments within our solar system...

Job Loss Data...

Over at CoyoteBlog, there's a fascinating post on the actual jobs loss data (as opposed to the overwrought hype that fills our news media).

Bottom line: the losses are real, but not even in the same class as the Great Depression, nor as bad as several other more recent recessions.

What CoyoteBlog did was simply to download and graph data that the government makes freely available to all, over the web. You'd think that somewhere, buried deep in some newsroom, there might be just one journalist who thought that getting actual information to people might be a good idea. But apparently not; that journalist I'm thinking of was probably the first one to be laid off...

This Pretty Much Says It All...

Tiajuana on the Brink...

Tiajuana, Mexico is a city of 2.7 million people, just across the border from San Diego. That puts it about 25 miles from my home.

Over the past year, here and in the rest of Mexico, there has been a very alarming escalation of the long-running war between the drug cartels and the Mexican government. And it doesn't look like the government is winning.

The map at right shows where people have been murdered in just the past three months. Other border cities are seeing much the same thing.

This conflict is driven by exactly one thing: the demand for illegal drugs in the U.S. The solution is simple: legalize all drugs, and dispense them through pharmacies. Overnight, the financial incentive for this madness would disappear...

A slightly different perspective from my fellow Jamulian Tom Smith...

Quote of the Day...

From U.S. Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald:

“The breadth of corruption laid out in these charges is staggering. They allege that Blagojevich put a for-sale sign on the naming of a United States senator.”

He's talking, of course, about the indictment of Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich on corruption charges. The best news summary I've seen is at the Wall Street Journal.

Chicago is leading the charge to turn the U.S. into Mexico...

Spitzer Strikes Again...

A new image from the Spitzer Space Telescope, this one showing a star-forming region in M17 (the “Swan Nebula”).

This is yet another piece of spectacular science being quietly delivered, every day, by NASA's small fleet of robotic explorers. These marvelous machines exist on the scraps of a NASA budget left over after the nearly useless manned space missions, most recently occupied by fixing a toilet on the space station.

My readers already know that I agree with very few policy positions of the Obama administration-in-waiting – but one of those that I do agree with is taking a close look at the manned space program for opportunities to save money. However, I suspect that Obama intends to spend that money on one of his many spread-the-wealth programs, and not on unmanned space exploration...

Quote of the Day (Photo Edition)...