Sunday, November 13, 2011
An Inch and a Half...
The early wetness has some of our plants changing their usual timing. We have bulbs popping up all over the place, and the grass is growing strongly – we're going to have an unusually long growing season this year, assuming we get our usual rainy season. Our aleppo pines are normally looking a little sad (dry) this time of year; now they're fully greened up and their sap is flowing. Take that, bark beetles! Our eucalyptus trees are putting out new growth. The ground is soft down to at least three feet, and the gophers are tunneling like crazy (good for some plants, bad for others). The manzanitas that happen to be full of berries right now have big, juicy berries. And the moss on the rocks is bright green.
I wouldn't mind a bit more of this. An inch or so every couple weeks would be quite nice!
Three Years Old...
This video is over three years old, and I just now discovered that it existed. I have no idea who created it – probably another ServiceNow employee, though it certainly could have been a customer. In any case, it's a great humorous look at ServiceNow's product vs. its competitors. I've heard many comments from our customers that reflect the comparisons in this video. Note that being three years old, the video has our old logo, company name spelling, and artwork...
Beerology...
I can't stand beer myself (I'm more of a Cabernet kinda guy), but that didn't keep me from enjoying this beer wisdom, forwarded by reader Jim M.:
Sometimes when I reflect on all the beer I drink, I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. I think, "It is better to drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."Babe Ruth~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day."Lyndon B. Johnson~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."Paul Horning~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not."H. L. Mencken~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~"When we drink, we get drunk.. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!"George Bernard Shaw~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."Benjamin Franklin~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza."Dave Barry~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B.C.!W. C. Fields~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Remember "I" before "E," except in Budweiser.Professor Irwin Corey~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group - Salvation in a can!Leo Durocher~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~One night at Cheers, Cliff Clavin explained the" Buffalo Theory" to his buddy Norm:"Well, ya see, Norm, it's like this. A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.
In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine!That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."
Saturday, November 12, 2011
Airport Fail...
At Dulles in Washington D.C., this past Tuesday morning, on the departures monitors all over the terminal:
This is What I Need...
...the next time there's a major fire around here. Having one of these looking around would give us solid information, whereas current reporting systems produce a chaotic blend of stale and erroneous crapola (that's a technical term)...
Friday, November 11, 2011
A Veterans Day for Me to Remember...
For years now, basically since 9/11, I've gone out of my way to honor the men and women who serve in our armed forces. It's become second nature for me, most especially when I'm traveling. Just this past week, for instance, I connected through Charlotte, North Carolina – and while in the airport I struck up a conversation with a young man in Army uniform. Turns out he was headed to a school, and then back to the Middle East. I invited him to join me for a Starbucks coffee and a little food, and found a good opportunity to say “thanks” in a heartfelt way.
One of the reasons I do this is my own experiences while in the Navy in the '70s; I've blogged about these before. Suffice it to say that while I was in uniform, I never had the experience of a friendly stranger buying me coffee and saying “thanks” in a way I'd believe sincere. Quite the opposite. But I've often wished I'd had that experience.
I'm no longer in uniform; I've been out of the Navy for more than 30 years. But today – for the first time ever – I had an experience something close to this. A colleague of mine (whose name I don't have permission to use, and therefore won't) sent an email to myself and another mutual colleague, whom I'll call “J.” (since I don't have permission to use his name, either). With minor edits to maintain anonymity, here's the email:
Just to be clear: I'm a Vietnam-era vet; I wasn't actually in-country in Nam. Nor was I directly in combat. I was a sailor on a ship that supported combat air operations in Nam. I fixed computers (the mainframes of the day). I was a warrior only in some metaphorical sense. But I was a member of our armed forces, and served for six years. And now someone has said “Thanks, Tom”...
One of the reasons I do this is my own experiences while in the Navy in the '70s; I've blogged about these before. Suffice it to say that while I was in uniform, I never had the experience of a friendly stranger buying me coffee and saying “thanks” in a way I'd believe sincere. Quite the opposite. But I've often wished I'd had that experience.
I'm no longer in uniform; I've been out of the Navy for more than 30 years. But today – for the first time ever – I had an experience something close to this. A colleague of mine (whose name I don't have permission to use, and therefore won't) sent an email to myself and another mutual colleague, whom I'll call “J.” (since I don't have permission to use his name, either). With minor edits to maintain anonymity, here's the email:
J. and Tom,To say I was stunned would be a significant understatement. All these years later, someone said “thanks!” to me. It's some hours later as I write this, and I'm still shaken by the experience. I guess I never expected anyone to just say “thanks” to me...
Just a moment to say thanks to the only two Vietnam War vets that I really know (I think).
We are living at a time of war, the first one that I have first hand witness to in a way that I can understand. I see how the vets are revered and how their work and service is honored. I see the concern and care for the invisible wounds warriors come home with.
My memories of the Vietnam War are vague, I was young. What I know, though, is that what I see now is very different than what I remember seeing, however vaguely, back then. The people that cheered for soldiers; the people that welcomed them home; the people that cared about the invisible wounds were very few and far between and didn't have anywhere near the voice that people that opposed the war did.
But they were there. And my dad was (is) one of them. I learned from him the importance of the work of all who served and the depth of their sacrifices. I learned from him to cheer loudly when vets passed by on Veterans Day. I learned from him to look for and reach out to those who served. I learned from him to have respect.
As time has passed, our country has come to rethink and regret the collective attitude towards Vietnam Vets, though I am afraid for many vets, this was too little too late. But I do believe that it is the lessons learned in that attempt to reconcile that has given way to much of the honor our current warriors are extended. And for that, we all owe Vietnam Vets a certain and very sincere debt of gratitude.
If my dad had met either of you back then, he would have shook your hand. He would have cheered loudly as you passed by. He would have honored your service. He would have offered you a cup of coffee. He wasn't with you then, but I am here now. And in honor of today as Veteran's day, in honor of the lessons learned from my dad, and in honor of your service to your country - I would very much like to buy you a cup of coffee!
Some things can't be undone. Some things can't be forgotten. But it's my sincerest hope that it is never too late to say thank you.
Thank you so much, for your service. And thank you for what your collective experiences have brought to my life and my career all these years later.
Just to be clear: I'm a Vietnam-era vet; I wasn't actually in-country in Nam. Nor was I directly in combat. I was a sailor on a ship that supported combat air operations in Nam. I fixed computers (the mainframes of the day). I was a warrior only in some metaphorical sense. But I was a member of our armed forces, and served for six years. And now someone has said “Thanks, Tom”...
Modern Times...
Via Eric W., this joke – which only some of my readers will “get”. For the geeks, the thing that makes it so funny is that it sounds so much like what we've all experienced. Setup: an ISP's subscriber is calling a technician at the ISP's help desk:
Subscriber caller: My Internet is down.
Tech: Why do you say that?
Caller: Because When I try to go to Google, it takes 10 minutes to draw the screen.
Tech: Do you have any XBOXs, TVs, or other Computers?
Caller: Yes.
Tech: Go turn the power off on all of them and try again to access Google.
Caller: I can't... My husband is watching a movie on his new NetFlix power big screen, my kids are having an XBOX live tournament, and my daughter is updating her iPod/iTunes songs.
Tech: So you said your Internet isn't working?
Caller: OK, I turned all those things off. Speed is a little better, but still doesn't work.
Tech: OK try rebooting your router.
CAller : (phone disconnects, and she calls back). That's odd, my phone disconnected when I rebooted the router. Internet is still slow.
Tech: Oh so I see you have VOIP also. Do you have Direct TV boxes?
Caller: Yes, I'll go turn that off. I set my DVR to download movies in the background a few days ago. Do you think that had something to do with it?
Tech: Try again now.
Caller: Wow, my Internet sure is fast now! Google loads in 1/10th of a second. What did you do to fix it? You must have changed something on your end, when I was off turning stuff off. By the way, why did you want me to turn the stuff off?
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Political Tees...
Via my mom, a nice collection of T-shirts for the coming 2012 elections. Here's a couple I particularly enjoyed:
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Einstein Weighs In...
Via reader Jim M.:
Remember this when you vote next November...
For my readers who are not up on their science: 185,999 miles/second is the approximate speed of light...
Remember this when you vote next November...
For my readers who are not up on their science: 185,999 miles/second is the approximate speed of light...
There Are Only So Many Cells...
I'm an engineer. My mother emailed this to me. Do you think she sent it for the political humor in it? I'm not so sure...
All babies start out with the same number of raw cells, which over nine months, develop into a complete female baby.The problem occurs when cells are instructed by the little chromosomes to make a male baby instead.Because there are only so many cells to go around, the cell necessary to develop a male's reproductive organs have to come from cells already assigned elsewhere in the female.Recent tests have shown that these cells are removed from the communications center of the brain, migrate lower in the body and develop into male sexual organs. If you visualize a normal brain to be similar to a full deck of cards, this means that males are born a few cards short, so to speak, and some of their cards are in their shorts.This difference between the male and female brain manifests itself in various ways. Little girls will tend to play things like house or learn to read. Little boys, however, will tend to do things like placing a bucket over their heads and running into walls.This basic cognitive difference continues to grow until puberty, when the hormones kick into action and the trouble really begins. After puberty, not only the size of the male and female brains differ, but the center of thought also differs. Women think with their heads. Male thoughts often originate lower in their bodies where their ex-brain cells reside.Of course, the size of this problem varies from man to man.In some men only a small number of brain cells migrate and they are left with nearly full mental capacity but they tend to be rather dull, sexually speaking. Such men are known in medical terms as "Engineers."Other men suffer larger brain cell relocation. These men are medically referred to as "Fighter Pilots."A small number of men suffer massive brain cell migration to their groins. These men are usually referred to as..."Mr. President or Mr. Congressman."
Dead Horse Politics...
Reader Simi L. passes along a new variation on an old classic:
The tribal wisdom of the Indians, passed on from generation to generation, says that “When you discover that you are riding a dead horse, best strategy is to dismount."
However, in government more advanced strategies are often employed, such as:
1. Buying a stronger whip.
2. Changing riders.
3. Appointing a committee to study the horse.
4. Arranging to visit other countries to see how other cultures ride dead horses.
5. Lowering the standards so that dead horses can be included.
6. Reclassifying the dead horse as living-impaired.
7. Hiring outside contractors to ride the dead horse.
8. Harnessing several dead horses together to increase speed.
9. Providing additional funding and/or training to increase dead horse's performance.
10. Doing a productivity study to see if lighter riders would improve the dead horse's performance.
11. Declaring that as the dead horse does not have to be fed, it is less costly, carries lower overhead and therefore contributes substantially more to the bottom line of the economy than do some other horses.
12. Rewriting the expected performance requirements for all horses.
And of course...
13 Promoting the dead horse to a supervisory position.
If you don't understand this theory, you haven't lived long enough!
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