Which Hurts More?

Giving birth or getting kicked in the balls?  The age-old question has been settled:

Women always say that giving birth is much more painful than a guy getting kicked in the cojones.

They are wrong, and here's the proof.

A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "It might be nice to have another child."

You never, ever hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would like another kick in the cojones."

Hurt...

Via friend and reader Larry E., who pointed this out in comments yesterday.  I'd never heard this song before at all, much less Johnny Cash's cover of it.  Beautiful:

Dorothy and the...

Via Marsha Y., this punny perversion of Baum's iconic phrase:

So, there's this yellow toad wandering around in the forest kinda pissed off because he doesn't want to be yellow. Life would be easier if he were brown like the other toads.. He'd sure be less visible to predators for one thing.
 
Anyway... this yellow toad bumps into a fairy godmother. He begs her: "Fairy godmother, please make me brown like the other toads. I am tired of being so visible to predators and such."
 
The fairy godmother whips out her magic wand and says "Abracapokus!  You're brown!"
 
The toad looks down and sees that he is brown except for his package, which is still yellow. He says to the fairy godmother: "Wait a minute! My pecker's still yellow!"
 
To this the fairy godmother replies: "I don't do johnsons. You will have to go see The Wizard of Oz for that."
 
The toad thanks her and hops off on his way.
 
There is also a purple bear wandering about the very same woods. As luck would have it, he encounters the very same fairy godmother. He implores her: "Fairy godmother, please make me brown like the other bears. None of the lady bears want to be seen with me on account of the hunters can spot me from a mile off."
 
She, being a nice fairy godmother, takes out her magic wand and says: "Pokuscadabra! You're brown!" The bear looks down and sees that he is, in fact, brown with the exception of the ole twig and berries, they remain purple. He says: "My wang is still purple!"
 
She says: "I don't do units, you will have to go see The Wizard of Oz for that."
 
To this the bear replies: "Well that's just dandy, but how the hell do I find The Wizard of Oz?"
 
The fairy godmother answers: "That's easy... just follow the yellow dick Toad!"

This pun's for you, pater...