An Old Marine Gets a Job Interview...

Reader Larry E. passes along a little Marine humor:

Job Interview

Personnel Manager: "What is your greatest weakness ?"

Old Marine: "Honesty"

Personnel Manager: "I don't think honesty is a weakness !"

Old Marine: "I don't give a crap what you think"

There's one problem with this story: there's no way that old Marine said “crap”!

I've hired a few ex-Marines, and the interviews I had with some of them rank as both the most interesting and most entertaining I've ever had.  This reads as entirely plausible to me :)

Military Advance...

Larry E. passes along this bit of jarhead humor:

COPPER COATED MICROCHIP IMPLANT ALLOWS TERRORISTS TO SPEAK TO GOD

The implant is specifically designed to be injected in the forehead.

When properly installed, it will instantly allow the terrorist to speak to God.

It comes in various sizes: Generally from .223 to .50 cal.

The exact size of the implant will be selected by a well-trained and highly skilled technician, who will also make the injection.

No Anesthetic is required.

The implant is likely to be painless.  Side effects, like headaches, nausea, aches or pains are extremely temporary.

Some bleeding or swelling may occur at the injection site.  In most cases, you won't even notice it.

Please enjoy the security we provide for you.

Best regards,

I got to wondering where the term “jarhead” orginated.  There seems to be quite a bit of uncertainty about this.  I found these origins in different places:

• Former U.S. Marine headwear (hats) looked a bit like jars.
• The same company that manufactured Mason jars used to manufacture U.S. Marine headwear.
• The stiff leather encircling the neck, which used to be part of the U.S. Marine uniform (and is the source of the term “leatherneck” made the Marines hold their heads stiffly erect, like jars.
• The standard U.S. Marine “buzzcut” haircut makes the Marines' heads look like jars.
• It's a metaphor for the U.S. Marines' heads: hard on the outside, empty on the inside.

We're Playing Defense – and That's the Problem...

Peter Munson is a Marine officer who recently returned from a tour in Afghanistan.  He's written a very thoughtful piece, the heart of which starts with this:

Since I returned home, a darkness has grown in me as both I and our nation have failed to live up to the sacrifices of these young men and women. I had no expectation of “victory” in Afghanistan or Iraq, whatever that would mean. Nor did I expect some epiphany of strategic insight or remorse from the nation’s brain trust.

I just found that I could not square the negativity, pettiness and paranoia in the discourse of our country’s elders with the nobility and dedication of the men and women I had seen and served with in Afghanistan.

Over time, as I listened to the squabbling, I realized that about the only thing Americans agree on these days is gratitude bordering on reverence for our military. It troubled me that the sum total of consensus in our discourse is deference toward the defenders of our nation. 

Please read the whole thing...

A Marine and His Dog...

Marine returns home after a year-long deployment, and his dog greets him:



An Open Letter to Senator Diane Feinstein...

Awesome, Marine:

Senator Dianne Feinstein,

I will not register my weapons should this bill be passed, as I do not believe it is the government's right to know what I own. Nor do I think it prudent to tell you what I own so that it may be taken from me by a group of people who enjoy armed protection yet decry me having the same a crime. You ma'am have overstepped a line that is not your domain. I am a Marine Corps Veteran of 8 years, and I will not have some woman who proclaims the evil of an inanimate object, yet carries one, tell me I may not have one.

I am not your subject. I am the man who keeps you free. I am not your servant. I am the person whom you serve. I am not your peasant. I am the flesh and blood of America.  I am the man who fought for my country. I am the man who learned. I am an American. You will not tell me that I must register my semi-automatic AR-15 because of the actions of some evil man.

I will not be disarmed to suit the fear that has been established by the media and your misinformation campaign against the American public.

We, the people, deserve better than you.

Respectfully Submitted,
Joshua Boston
Cpl, United States Marine Corps
2004-2012

And yes, we most certainly do deserve better...

A Most British Observation...

I think I've posted this before, but I couldn't find it so...here it goes again (maybe).  Via my cousin Mike D.:

The train was quite crowded, so a U. S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat, but the only seat left was taken by a well dressed, middle-aged, French woman's poodle.

The war-weary Marine asked, 'Ma'am, may I have that seat?'

The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular 'Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat.'

The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat left was under that dog. 'Please, ma'am. May I sit down? I'm very tired.'

She snorted, 'Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!'

This time the Marine didn't say a word; he just picked up the little dog, threw it out of the train window, and sat down.

The woman shrieked, 'Someone must defend my honour! This American should be put in his place!'

An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up, 'Sir, you Americans often seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You hold the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your cars on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you seem to have thrown the wrong bitch out of the window.'

Hoorah!

Via reader and colleague Doug S., this little story about the Marine Corps' response to PETA demonstrations outside the Marine base at Camp Pendleton (just north of San Diego).  PETA is protesting the Marine's use of the terms “leatherneck” and “wooly-pully”.  Most of us would just shake our heads in amusement at PETA's antics – and hope the demonstration would escalate to one of PETA's trademark nude protests.  The Marines, however, responded in a slightly different manner:

PETA protesters turned to what they called their only defense. Using out-of-tune acoustic guitars, the crowd sang songs of animal triumph over human oppression.

Both civilian and military police worked together to break up the melee because no one could stand the horrible PETA music any longer.

Peace talks have started, with top Marine brass explaining that leather hasn’t been used around the neck of a Marines uniform since long before PETA existed. Former CENTCOM Commander General James Mattis also joined in the discussion, saying that the protestors “should just go fuck themselves.”

We San Diegans are very fond of our Marines, for many reasons. One of those reasons is the Marines propensity for straight talking.

You tell 'em, General Mattis!

The Ugly American...

Via my mom, this revised version of an oldie-but-goodie:

The train was quite crowded and a U. S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat.

There seemed to be one next to a well-dressed French woman, but when he got there, he saw it was taken by the woman's poodle.

The war-weary Marine asked, "Ma'am, may I have that seat?"

The French woman sniffed and said to no one in particular, "Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat."

The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat available was under that dog.

"Please, ma'am. May I sit down? I'm very tired."

She snorted, "Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!"

This time the Marine didn't say a word; he just picked up the little dog, tossed it out the train window and sat down.

The woman shrieked, "Someone defend me! Put this American in his place!"

An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up. "Sir, you Americans seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing.

You hold the fork in the wrong hand.

You drive your cars on the wrong side of the road.

And now, sir, you seem to have thrown the wrong bitch out the window."

Send In a Marine!

Via reader Simi L., this story of a Marine's solution to a discipline challenge:

A former Sergeant in the Marine Corps took a new job as a high chool teacher. Just before the school year started he injured his back. He was required to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. Fortunately, the cast fit under his shirt and wasn't noticeable. On the first day of class, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in the school.

The smart aleck punks, having already heard the new teacher was a former Marine, were leery of him and he knew they would be testing his discipline in the classroom.

Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, the new teacher opened the window wide and sat down at his desk. When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he picked up a stapler and stapled the tie to his chest.

Dead silence. He had no trouble with discipline the rest of the year.

Hoo ah!

Marine Corps Bumper Stickers...

These gems nicely sum up the reasons why the U.S. Marine Corps is feared by all the bad guys in the world:

U.S. Marines – Travel Agents To Allah

When In Doubt, Empty The Magazine

The Marine Corps – When It Absolutely, Positively Has To Be Destroyed Overnight

Death Smiles At Everyone – Marines Smile Back

Marine Sniper – You can run, but you'll just die tired!

What Do I Feel When I Kill A Terrorist? Just a little recoil..."

Marines – Providing Enemies of America an Opportunity To Die For their Country Since 1775

Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Anyone Who Threatens It

Happiness Is A Belt-Fed Weapon

It's God's Job to Forgive Bin Laden – It's Our Job To Arrange The Meeting

Artillery Brings Dignity to What Would Otherwise Be Just A Brawl

Machine Gunners – Accuracy by Volume

A Dead Enemy Is A Peaceful Enemy – Blessed Be The Peacemakers

Except For Ending Slavery, Fascism, Nazism, and Communism, WAR has Never Solved Anything.

Warrior Song: U.S. Marines Version...

I read recently of a study that asked the leaders of military and paramilitary organizations worldwide what force they would least like to oppose. Over 80% of the respondents put the U.S. Marines at the top of that list.

Hooah!

Guessing Game...

Via reader Doug S.  Which one of these fighters is the U.S. Marine?




Gettin' down to business! Yup, you guessed right...

The Marines: GWB vs. BHO...

I can't help but wonder how these Marines would react to BHO were they unconstrained by their decorum and military obligations...

Grunt Pranksters...

Our wonderful U.S. Marines have pulled off a wonderful prank. Read the link below before clicking on it:

http://www.codepinkforpeace.com

Hah!!!

Take that, you detestable pinkers!