The Four Cats...

Sent to me by my mom, who knows my taste in humor:

Four men were bragging about how smart their cats were.

The first man was an Engineer, the second man was an Accountant, the third man was a Chemist and the fourth man was a Government Employee.

To show off, the Engineer called his cat. “T-square, do your stuff!” T-square pranced over to the desk, took out some paper and pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.

But the Accountant said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said “Spreadsheet, do your stuff!” Spreadsheet went out to the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies. Everyone agreed that was good.

But the Chemist said his cat could do even better. He called his cat and said “Measure, do your stuff!” Measure got up, walked to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop into the glass. Everyone agreed that was pretty darned good.

Then the three men turned to the Government Employee and said “What can your cat do?” The Government Employee called his cat and said “Coffee Break, do your stuff!” Coffee Break jumped to his feet and...
...ate the cookies,
...drank the milk,
...shit on the paper,
...screwed the other three cats,
...claimed he injured his back while doing so,
...filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions,
...put in for Worker's Compensation,
...and went home for the rest of the day on sick leave!

The first thing I thought after reading this was “John Murtha”…

Puzzler...

Well, the last puzzler apparently wasn't all that puzzling: everybody who answered was at least close. If you're interested in the story of the cargo ship SS Mayaguez, you can read about it here.

Meanwhile, here's a new puzzler:

As long ago as the late 1600s, Europeans were using a straight piece of material (usually wood, sometimes ivory or brass) much like a ruler with special markings to make all sorts of calculations, including multiplication, division, trigonometry, and logarithms. This device was normally used in conjunction with a pair of dividers (a compass with two metal points). It was as ubiquitous amongst the engineers and scientists of the day as computers and calculators are today – but today it is virtually unknown and unheard of. What was this device called?

Quote of the Day

Simon M. sent me a link to this article. The comments to it contain my quote of the day, by someone going by the handle “Billy Bob Henry”:

Anyone that thinks global warming is flase needs a lobotomy..

Ignoring the misspelling and the amputated ellipsis for the moment, the commenter encapsulates quite nicely the philosophy – and the “science” – of the true believers of the anthropomorphic global warming faith. We're supposed to blindly believe their high priests (Gore and Hansen) and the climate models. At the same time, we're supposed to dismiss all the actual evidence that questions the assumptions and conclusions that go into those models. Oh, and we're supposed to throw away common sense as well – so that when someone points out that (for example) the polar bear population is actually higher now than ever before in recorded history, so using their declining population as evidence of the impact of global warming is, well, bogus – we're supposed to dismiss that as the ravings of some sort of lunatic fringe.

Otherwise, we need a lobotomy.

I think it's more like this: those who blindly keep faith with anthropomorphic global warming while ridiculing its critics are anti-scientists who are acting like they've already had a lobotomy. I say “anti-scientists” because the very essence of science includes skepticism and debate (along with evidence and verifiable tests or predictions). Listen to Jim Hansen and his crowd, and you see precious little of anything I can recognize as science – and a whole lot of self-serving fear mongering that I believe is carefully calculated to increase their funding…

More Feasting...

Debbie and I went a little crazy with the cooking this year. For four successive days we've feasted on some luscious dishes...

We had about a pound of lobster meat left over after our Thanksgiving Day meal, so on Friday I made lobster rolls. For those of you who may be (sadly) unfamiliar with lobster rolls, this is a traditional American dish from the northeast (especially Maine). Many people believe this is the very best way to enjoy lobster. There are almost as many recipes for lobster rolls as there are people who make them; about the only things I can see in common between them are these: (1) it's all about the lobster; other ingredients are kept to a minimum, and (2) they need to be on toasted rolls.

Being on the West Coast, we can't just go down to our grocery and buy lobster rolls in the bakery section of the grocery store. Hot dog buns are just not good enough. So we made a “San Diego substitution”: we used Dudley's potato bread, grilled in butter to toast them. The filling I made by roughly chopping the lobster meat into about 1/2” pieces, then adding some finely chopped celery and chives (not much of each), a little mayonnaise, and some chopped tarragon. I wanted to use fresh tarragon, but we were out – so I rehydrated some dried tarragon in a little lukewarm water, and it did quite nicely (you have to have the dried tarragon that's in little pieces, not the powdered type, for this to work). That's it! We just mixed those ingredients, piled it high between a couple slides of grilled potato bread, and feasted. My oh my, that was good!

On Saturday we roasted a small turkey. Debbie made a fine white gravy with the giblets and drippings, and we had open-faced roast turkey sandwiches, on toasted potato bread, with gravy. Yum! And then on Sunday I made broth from the leftover turkey bones, and Debbie turned it into tlapeno (a traditional Mexican soup) made with turkey instead of chicken. She's made this dish quite a few times, and this was her best yet – a simple, clear-broth soup redolent of turkey, full of tasty ingredients with a great texture. Naturally, being Debbie, she made vast quantities of the stuff – we could have fed a significant number of Marines with it! But it was just the two of us, so now there's a wonderful, giant-sized container in the refrigerator chock full of this delectable stuff.

I suspect we're both going to take a few days off from cooking…

Thanksgiving...

America's Thanksgiving Day has a long history, back to the earliest days of this country. While many Presidents (including George Washington) promoted and endorsed the holiday with proclamations, it was President Abraham Lincoln who started the current unbroken string of proclamations by every President who succeeded him. His proclamation was made on October 3, 1863:

I do therefore invite my fellow citizens in every part of the United States, and also those who are at sea and those who are sojourning in foreign lands, to set apart and observe the last Thursday of November next, as a day of Thanksgiving and Praise to our beneficent Father who dwelleth in the Heavens. And I recommend to them that while offering up the ascriptions justly due to Him for such singular deliverances and blessings, they do also, with humble penitence for our national perverseness and disobedience, commend to His tender care all those who have become widows, orphans, mourners or sufferers in the lamentable civil strife in which we are unavoidably engaged, and fervently implore the interposition of the Almighty Hand to heal the wounds of the nation and to restore it as soon as may be consistent with the Divine purposes to the full enjoyment of peace, harmony, tranquillity and Union.

Debbie and I have much to be thankful for this year.

First and foremost on our minds is the fact that we and our home survived the horrible fires of three weeks ago, completely unharmed.

Our beloved animals – eight cats and three dogs – are all healthy and happy.

Our health is excellent, aside from the unavoidable side effects of our advancing age.

I make a good living in a job that I greatly enjoy. We've never known hunger, poverty, or lacked for anything truly important.

We live in the greatest country on earth – despite it's abundant flaws, there's nowhere I'd rather live. Not one of the hundred or so countries I've visited has ever even tempted me.

And we are very thankful on this day for the soldiers and sailors who are in harm's way on this day of thanksgiving, voluntarily engaging this country's enemies in mortal combat. Those fine, brave men and women seem to percieve the existential threat posed to our country by Islamic fundamentalists with far greater clarity than many Americans who are safe and snug in their homes today. Every time I meet one of these soldiers or sailors who have served in Iraq or Afghanistan (and that happens fairly often here in San Diego, as we have many military bases here), I try hard to find the time to get to know them a bit. Most of all, I make a it a point to thank them for their service. They stand between my loved ones and Al Queda (and its ilk), and for that they have my eternal gratitude…and they should know it. I hope you'll do the same…

Sated...

Debbie and I just finished our Thanksgiving feast, which was spread out over several hours. It was just the two of us today – a delightful, quiet holiday together.

Being certifiable weirdos, we didn't have a “normal” Thanksgiving meal. No turkey, gravy, dressing, pies, cranberry sauce, or corn for us. Nope, none of that stuff. Instead, we had a seafood feast – and what a feast it was!

As an appetizer, we had fresh Atlantic sea scallops. Debbie has developed this into a fine, and refined, delicacy: broiled briefly, in a shallow pan, with butter, garlic, and dill. They are so good you'll think your brains fell out!

We drank champagne through the whole meal – Moet Chandon White Star. Excellent tipple.

For our main course we had a specialty of mine: Atlantic Lobster a l'Americaine (using a recipe from Julia Child). We started with three 2 lb. female Maine lobsters, shipped live from the wonderful Young's Lobster Pound, in Belfast, Maine (we got the scallops there as well). All three of them had roe, so we had plenty of coral and tomalley to flavor the dish. The sauce is a reduction sauce that starts in a manner that still seems odd to me, though I've made this dish many times: you saute the shells (with some vegetables), and then boil them. The resulting sauce might as well be called “essence of lobster” – saturated with lobster flavor, and emitting an delightfully lobstery perfume. The sauce is finished with a tomalley/coral/butter paste and my favorite spice: fresh tarragon. The cooked lobster meat is sauteed briefly (with some shallots) in butter, then folded into the sauce. We served it over simple boiled rice.

For a vegetable we made a favorite: asparagus tips sauteed in butter. Simply glorious.

Now we're done – we've even cleaned up the impressive mess in the kitchen. We're full; beyond being simply sated, we are uncomfortable. Almost in pain. I'm drinking a cup of tea in the fond hope that it will settle down the battle in my belly.

Dang, that was a good meal!

And we have leftovers… Half the lobster meat is in the refrigerator, destined to become lobster rolls tomorrow. About half the sauce remains as well; don't know what we're going to do with it, but whatever it is, it will be wonderful!

Blogging will now be interrupted as I slip into a cholesterol-induced coma…

Nun in Hooters...

Jim M. passes this along:

A nun, badly needing to use to the restroom, walked into a local Hooters. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while the lights would turn off.

Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers. However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent She walked up to the bartender, and asked, "May I please use the restroom?"

The bartender replied, "OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf."

"Well, in that case I'll just look the other way," said the nun.

So, the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant. After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause. She went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?"

"Well, now they know you're one of us," said the bartender, "Would you like a drink?"

"But, I still don't understand," said the puzzled nun.

"You see," laughed the bartender, "every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out. Now, how about that drink?"

I've never been in a Hooter's, so I don't know if they really have such a statue. But I hope so!

Joy of Aging...

Our friend Dick F., who (however improbably) is even older than we are, passes along these:

Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: "Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?"

Slim says, "I feel just like a newborn baby."

"Really!? Like a newborn baby!?"

"Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants."

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly."

The other man said, "What's the name of the restaurant?"

The first man thought and thought and finally said, "What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know...the one that's red and has thorns."

"Do you mean a rose?"

"Yes, that's the one," replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?"

Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.

Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. "Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?" he asks.

"Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"

"Sure."

"Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" she asks.

"No, I can remember it."

"Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so's not to forget it?"

He says, "I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."

"I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?" she asks.

Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!"

Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment.

"Where's my toast ?"

A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect."

"Really," answered the neighbor . "What kind is it?"

"Twelve thirty."

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"

"No," he replied, "Arthritis."

Flower Show...

My mom passed this along. When I was a young lad (in the last century), my family had a nursery, and displayed in the Philadelphia Flower Show each year.

Two little old ladies were sitting on a park bench outside the local town hall where a Flower Show was in progress. One leaned over and said to the other, "Life is so darned boring; we never have any fun anymore. For $5.00 I'd take my clothes off and streak through that stupid Flower Show!"

"You're on!" said the other old lady holding up a $5.00 bill. The first little old lady slowly fumbled her way out of her clothes and, completely nude, streaked (as fast as an old lady can) through the front door of the Flower Show.

Waiting outside, her friend soon heard a huge commotion inside the hall followed by loud applause and shrill whistling. The naked and smiling old lady came through the exit door surrounded by a cheering crowd.

"What happened?" asked her waiting friend.

"I won 1st Prize as Best Dried Arrangement!"

Dung Beetles...

Scott Adams (the Dilbert cartoonist) recently completed a new book derived from his blog. He titled it Stick to Drawing Comics, Monkey-Brain! Continuing the theme, he held a contest on his blog for the best blurbs to put on the book's slip cover. Here's the runner-up:

Like a diligent little dung beetle, Adams slogs through the online jungle searching for fresh nuggets of news to polish into his daily blog entries. Some people say you can’t polish a turd, but after reading this book, I’d say they’re just not rubbing hard enough.

There are some very creative people reading that blog! Go read the whole thing, but make sure you swallow your coffee first…

Top Country-Western Hits...

George K. passes along these top country-western hits, slightly tongue-in-cheek (I think):

How can I miss you when you won't go away.

If the phone doesn't ring, you will know its me.

When you leave me walk out backwards so I'll think your coming back.

If I shot you when I wanted to I'd be out by now.

If you won't leave me alone I'll find someone that will.

I am so miserable without you it's almost like your here.

Take me out to the corn field honey and I'll kiss you between the ears.

Odd Natural Phenomena...

These tree-climbing goats were the least odd of the whole bunch! Check ’em all out here.

Disappearing Forecast...

As I drove home from work last week, the radio news was full of stuff about the severe Santa Ana winds forecast for Tuesday (tomorrow). These winds were supposed to be just as strong as those that fanned the fires three weeks ago, but with 20° lower temperatures.

Last night and this morning, I can not find any hint of Santa Ana winds in anybody's forecast. Either I hallucinated the dire forecasts of last week, or a vast wrong-forecast conspiracy is hushing it up.

But if the net is that there will not be any Santa Ana winds this week, then I really, really don't care how or why the forecasters screwed up. Calm winds would be one more thing to give our thanks for on Thursday...

Steyn on Thanksgiving...

My long-time readers know that Mark Steyn is one of my favorite political observers. Saturday he published a fine piece on Thanksgiving, contending that the rest of the world should give thanks for America's existence. From that column:

But on this Thanksgiving the rest of the world ought to give thanks to American national sovereignty, too. When something terrible and destructive happens – a tsunami hits Indonesia, an earthquake devastates Pakistan – the United States can project itself anywhere on the planet within hours and start saving lives, setting up hospitals and restoring the water supply.

Aside from Britain and France, the Europeans cannot project power in any meaningful way anywhere. When they sign on to an enterprise they claim to believe in – shoring up Afghanistan's fledgling post-Taliban democracy – most of them send token forces under constrained rules of engagement that prevent them doing anything more than manning the photocopier back at the base.

If America were to follow the Europeans and maintain only shriveled attenuated residual military capacity, the world would very quickly be nastier and bloodier, and far more unstable. It's not just Americans and Iraqis and Afghans who owe a debt of thanks to the U.S. soldier but all the Europeans grown plump and prosperous in a globalized economy guaranteed by the most benign hegemon in history.

America, the benign hegemon. With less flowery phrase, I've contended this same thing to some of my European friends – who promptly (and predictably) deny that America is benign. When I ask them for examples of our malignity, they typically come up with hoary old chestnuts without even a grain of truth (such as the notion that Americans invaded Iraq to get their oil). Would that they could all see as clearly as Mark Steyn...

A Wrenching Little Journey...

This morning we took a short trip – just a few miles from home, but into a completely different world: Deerhorn Valley and the Mother Grundy Truck Trail, both devastated by the fires of just three weeks ago. We knew from many conversations and the news reports that many homes were destroyed in those areas, so we knew what we were going to see. Knowing didn't make it any easier.

All of the photos in this post can be expanded by clicking on them.

Everywhere we went, we saw homemade signs thanking the firefighters, and others who helped. This one is made of red plastic cups wedged into chain link fence at Rancho Jamul, along 94; we give it top marks for cleverness. These signs are all messages from the hearts of people very grateful for the many homes saved – but we even saw them in front of several homes that were destroyed. Thanks for trying, they seem to say…

First we went east on 94, then northeast on Honey Springs Road. Along that uphill stretch we saw the home at right – saved, and very grateful. I did not take any photos of destroyed homes, as I have no wish to cause any more pain for those victims, and I can imagine that some would not appreciate such photos being taken or displayed.

The trip was through a variety of situations, from completely normal and unburned to vast swathes of devastation. There are places were all the homes were burned; others where all the homes were saved (despite devastation all around). In a few places we saw most homes saved, but one or two homes burned, right in the middle of otherwise intact communities. In some places the fire burned so hot and furious that only large branches and ashes remain. In other places only the grasses and leaves were burned, and all the trees and shrubs were intact. The fire was arbitrary and capricious. Just about the only pattern we could discern were the many places where the fire fighters held a line around someone's home. I try to imagine what such a battle must be like for the men and women on the fire line, but my imagination fails me…

I saw something on this trip that I do not recall ever seeing before, though perhaps I just missed it: many rocks had a pock-marked appearance. On close inspection, they had shards popped off of them, lying on the ground underneath them. These wounded rocks were very common, and generally of very similar appearance. Although there was some variation in the size and shape of these shards, generally they were 3 or 4 inches in diameter, roughly circular, and around a quarter inch thick in their center, tapering off to sharp edges. The only mechanism for this phenomenon that I can think of is the mechanical stress of hot rock on the outside layer expanding against the cold inner rock. There are several more photos of this phenomenon below.

At one point on Mother Grundy Road we found this normally beautiful vista of Deerhorn Valley. I made this panorama from four individual photos to show what it looks like today.

In Lord of the Rings, there is a horrible character named Smaug – a dragon that wreaks terrible damage on the surrounding country, which was named the Desolation of Smaug on maps. That name seems entirely appropriate for this vista. To help orient you, the center of the photo is roughly due north from where we stood. The near peak in the center is Elena Mountain; the rocky rounded peak on the left is Lyons Peak. Lawson Peak can be seen peaking above the horizon, the rocky peak just the left of Elena Mountain.

In the burned areas, signs of life were not to be found at all – with one glaring exception. I've noted before that yucca plants were remarkable fire survivors, and they showed off that skill again in this fire. I saw numerous yucca plants in my walkabouts; many of them were already sending up green shoots to take advantage of the sunlight. None of them appeared to be dead. I have read descriptions of their adaptations for fire resistance: these adaptations include fire-resistant bases of their leaf spikes, excellent insulating properties in the woven layer of these bases around the core, and water stored in the core, protected by that layer. The leaves all burn off, leaving only the pineapple-shaped core – and that core soon sprouts new leaves. The yuccas will be the first green gems in the moonscapes left behind by the fire…

Other plants that look like they are dead are not really as damaged as they appear. Today we saw only skeletons poking out of a mat of ashes. Many of these chaparral plants, well-adapted for fire, will soon send new shoots from their roots to the surface. We know from experience that the manzanitas, lemonade-berries, and many ceanothus will soon sprout – along with many other plants. Oak trees stripped of all their leaves and twigs by the fire will generate new branches and leaves from nodes that lie deep within their wood, protected from the fire by the thick insulation that wood provided. The seeds of many chaparral plants use fire to trigger their germination. So next spring – especially if we have good rains this winter – we will see the plant life start to rebound. But it's sure hard to imagine that right now…

The rest of the images pretty much speak for themselves…

Huckabee Ad...

Mike Huckabee's new campaign ad:

Amazing Ventriloquist...

Jim M. passed these along – videos of the most amazing ventriloquist I have ever seen or heard of. Once you watch the first video, you'll see links to the others…

A Visit to Cuyamaca...

This past weekend, Debbie and I visited some places we're very familiar with: the west slope of Cuyamaca Mountain (along Boulder Creek Road), Engineer Road (along North Peak), and the Stonewall Mine area in Cuyamaca Rancho State Park. Much of these areas was burned over in the awful Cedar Fire of 2003, over four years ago. It's been tough for us to go back there since then, as the fires destroyed some of our favorite scenery in the area…

The toyon (Heteromeles arbutifolia) at right was one of many we saw along Engineer Road. The toyon is a locally common chaparral plant; we have 100 or so specimens on the 25 or so acres surrounding our home. But here they were growing in a burnt-over forest, one of the first native plants (along with ceanothus) to come back after the fire. This would seem to make them a “fire pioneer” plant. The literature I could find on the web seems a bit contradictory on this point; some said that the seedlings were often seen after a fire, but others said that the plants wouldn't become established (and I'm not sure exactly what they mean by that) until there was a closed canopy overhead. But who cares, really – they were a spot of most unexpected beauty in the monochome tones of the burned areas…

The toyon is one of the two common chaparral plants in our area that stays reliably green, even through the droughts (the other is a sumac, commonly called “lemonade berry”). However, it is often quite hidden from view. In the area around our home, it's often found under live oaks, large manzanitas, or even very large ceanothus. This habit makes it an under-appreciated chaparral plant – I suspect many property owners around here don't even know they exist! Just a short walk from our house there is a particularly fine stand of toyon, under a live oak that's about 30 feet tall. But this stand is put to shame by the specimens we saw along Engineer Road.

We saw something else there that greatly cheered me: some pine seedlings, up to a couple feet tall. This is the very first time since the Cedar Fire that I have spotted conifer seedlings in the burned area, something that I found disheartening – so I was delighted to see these little guys! We saw some later in the park, as well. If I were to guess at density, I'd say it was between 20 and 40 seedlings per acre. That sounds very low to me, but perhaps there will be more in following years…

Once we got to the Stonewall Mine area, we had another pleasant surprise: deer. Again, this was the first time we'd spotted deer up here since the Cedar Fire. Their return means that the big predators (especially the mountain lion) will return as well, or perhaps they're already back. The scene at right, taken from a point close to the mine, is a classic autumn scene in the coastal California mountains. The thick grasses always turn a golden brown then, and the winds waft a distinctive smell, much like hay. We spotted the deer in a meadow just south of the one pictured, perhaps a half mile away…

I've always loved the visual textures of these dried grasses, whether as isolated plants or en masse. I find them especially beautiful when backlit, though it's very challenging to capture that high-contrast image in a photo.

Grasses such as these are, of course, amongst the very first pioneer plants after a fire. I don't know if the plants that come up first are from existing seed that survived the fire, or if new seed somehow makes it in. We saw luxurious grass (along with perennial wildflowers) in many burnt-over areas the first spring after the fire, just four or five months afterwards. The wildflowers don't stay in large numbers, unfortunately, but the grass does – in the many natural meadows, amongst rock outcroppings, and along road cuts. These luxurious grasses seem to need something that's available only at higher altitudes (more rainfall, I suspect), as we cannot grow them near our home. If we irrigated, we'd get bazillions of weeds, so I don't even try that…

Lakes Conference Call

Lakes Entertainment recently had a conference call to talk about their Q3 financial reports. The Jamul Indian Casino project was mentioned briefly a few times; these parts are excerpted from the transcript:

Next I will discuss our project with the Jamul Indian village. Lakes has an agreement for the development and financing of a casino resort operation with the Jamul Indian Village. The Jamul tribe has a six-acre reservation on which the casino is planned to be built. Lakes has also acquired approximately 100 acres of land contiguous to the six acres of the reservation land that could be used for the casino support facilities if the land is taken into trust. Lakes and the Jamul tribe have decided to move forward with the operating a casino based solely on class 2 electronic gaming devices. The agreement between Lakes and the Jamul tribe is currently being modified to reflect the new economics of the revised smaller casino plan which will not require a compact and will not be subject to approval by the state or NIGC. Planning is underway to redesign the casino to provide for approximately 1,000 class 2 gaming devices along with 20 class 2 table games. The site has been cleared of all residents and all structures have been demolished and removed. Soil drilling in preparation for the road construction has started. We and the tribe are currently evaluating the plan to determine when the casino construction will start and when the casino operations could begin.
...
Revenue from this license fee income decreased during third quarter of 2007 compared to the third quarter of 2006 as a result of the delivery of no episodes of the professional poker tour television series in the 2007 period, versus the delivery of nine episodes of the PPT in the third quarter of 2006 and the delivery of three episodes of season five of the world poker tour television series in the third quarter of 2007 versus the delivery of one episode of season five of the WPT television series in the 2006 period. Net unrealized losses on notes receivable were $600,000 for the third quarter of 2007, compared to net unrealized gains of $5.8 million for the third quarter of 2006. The net unrealized losses in the third quarter of 2007 related to unrealized gains on Lakes' notes receivable from the Shingle Springs Band and Miwok Indians in the amount of $1.2 million and unrealized losses of $1.8 million on the Lakes notes receivable from the Jamul Indian Village.

These notes receivable are adjusted to estimated fair value based upon the current status of the related tribal casino projects. The increase in fair value of the notes receivable from the Shingle Springs tribe relates primarily to continued progress on the construction of this project which is currently within budget and on schedule. The decrease in fair value of the notes receivable from the Jamul tribe relates primarily to an increase in the discount rate which resulted from a decrease in current estimated win per unit for this project.
...
TODD EILERS: Okay. And then, let's see, I guess with respect to the balance sheet, Tim, can you break down the notes receivables by project, or at least what Shingle Springs and Jamul were for the quarter, the market value?

TIM COPE: The long-term notes?

TODD EILERS: Yes.

TIM COPE: Jamul is approximately 24 million. Shingle Springs is approximately 52 million. And Iowa's is approximately 3 million.
...
JUSTIN SEBASTIANO: Okay. And, Tim, you had mentioned that you lowered the discount rate. What are you using now for the notes receivable from the Jamul Tribe? It was 15.75% I think previously?

TIM COPE: Yes, actually increased it.

JUSTIN SEBASTIANO: Increased it, I'm sorry, right.

TIM COPE: I think it's more in the 17% range now. You understand we get this from a third-party valuation firm.
...
I have publicly stated for the last several years, and I'll say it on this phone call, that Lakes Gaming, when we become a cash flow machine in the 2009 period and out, certainly do not expect to reinvest our funds in Indian gaming. Indian gaming is certainly our major core business. We're very good at it, and we will be in it for a long time. After all, Shingle Springs doesn't open for a year and then we have a seven-year contract, so that's eight years. Jamul will keep us in there for another year after that, so even without renewals we will be a major force in Indian gaming working with our Tribes and managing those casinos for the next 10 years. That being said, as we accumulate the cash from these operations, as you know, the majority of these operations took us seven or eight years from the time we signed with the Tribe, and we invested well over $150 million. Most of the Indian opportunities out there today are of a similar or worse nature.
...
CHRIS KRUEGER: Hi. I missed a little bit of the call but on the time frame for a couple of your future projects, I heard you mention on the Jamul that the site is cleared, there's some prep work beginning and that you're evaluating the plan right now. Does that mean -- I know last quarter I think you indicated you felt the construction would begin in the first quarter of '08 and open 12 months later. Is that more maybe like the first half of '08 now or how would we look at that?

TIM COPE: Actually, the last quarter I think we said the same thing we're saying this quarter. We're continuing to work with the tribe to evaluate when we can start construction on the casino. Casino construction there will be about a 16-month, 18-month build because of the nature of the site itself. So I think the issue right now is when can we actually start the construction. And as you mentioned, we have started drilling on the road work there, which is the first piece of the project to get the road completed, so we can start breaking in the construction equipment to do the building. So we're progressing on the road work right now, and then I think it's going to be again subject to discussions with the tribe and after the first of the year when we feel we can start the casino construction.

CHRIS KRUEGER: The fires that happened out there is there any impact from that?

TIM COPE: We and the Tribe I would say were quite fortunate in that regard. All the buildings had already been removed from the reservation, so although there was some fire that came very close and on the site there's actually a -- it backs up to a church, and that church was protected from the fire so there really was no physical damage occurred.
...
JUSTIN SEBASTIANO: Just a quick follow-up. Tim, could you just run through how you're getting paid out on Jamul? From what I have, I see you have a $15 million up-front flat fee from development services, 15 million payable evenly over five years for construction services, and then 50 million payable evenly over 10 years for financing services, is this correct?

TIM COPE: Currently the agreement is all fees that we earn are earned prior to the project opening based on, as you mentioned, either oversight of construction, oversight of the development, or for providing the financing. All those fees are then spread out over the life of a 10-year contract.

JUSTIN SEBASTIANO: Okay. So -- oh, so the development service is not a $15 million up-front flat fee?

TIM COPE: No, and there's nothing paid up-front. Everything is earned up-front.

JUSTIN SEBASTIANO: Understood. So they're all paid out evenly over 10 years?

TIM COPE: That's the current plan.

JUSTIN SEBASTIANO: So under the current plan then, you're going to get paid out on the amounts -- the $80 million, I guess, regardless of what the casino does. Is that correct then?

TIM COPE: Well, no, only if it's successful. Again, it's paid out -- they can't pay us if they don't have the money, right.

JUSTIN SEBASTIANO: Well, what's considered successful? Then they just have to cover -- do they have to hit a certain threshold, and then pay you out when they hit?

TIM COPE: There's no thresholds this particular arrangement. Just cash flow.

JUSTIN SEBASTIANO: Okay. So let's say you are due $8 million in year one. If they net $8 million then you get it all, and the Tribe gets 0?

LYLE BERMAN: In theory that would be correct. In practicality, probably not.

JUSTIN SEBASTIANO: I just wanted to make sure that there is no threshold and that you guys will get paid out.

LYLE BERMAN: No threshold whatsoever.

There are some interesting nuggets of information in there, but nothing particularly surprising. It certainly doesn't sound like Lakes has written Jamul off, darn it…

Three Stories...

Mike D. passes these along. I was able to verify the first one (via the indispensable Snopes); the other two I'm not sure of:

When in England at a fairly large conference, Colin Powell was asked by the Archbishop of Canterbury if our plans for Iraq were just an example of 'empire building' by George Bush.

He answered by saying, "Over the years, the United States has sent many of its fine young men and women into great peril to fight for freedom beyond our borders. The only amount of land we have ever asked for in return is enough to bury those that did not return."

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Then there was a conference in France where a number of international engineers were taking part, including French and American. During a break one of the French engineers came back into the room saying "Have you heard the latest dumb stunt Bush has done? He has sent an aircraft carrier to Indonesia to help the tsunami victims. What does he intend to do, bomb them?"

A Boeing engineer stood up and replied quietly: "Our carriers have three hospitals on board that can treat several hundred people; they are nuclear powered and can supply emergency electrical power to shore facilities; they have three cafeterias with the capacity to feed 3,000 people three meals a day, they can produce several thousand gallons of fresh water from sea water each day, and they carry half a dozen
helicopters for use in transporting victims and injured to and from their flight deck. We have eleven such ships; how many does France have?"

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A U.S. Navy Admiral was attending a naval conference that included Admirals from the U.S., English, Canadian, Australian and French Navies. At a cocktail reception, he found himself standing with a large group of officers that included personnel from most of those countries. Everyone was chatting away in English as they sipped their drinks but a French admiral suddenly complained that, 'whereas Europeans learn many languages, Americans learn only English.' He then asked, 'Why is it that we always have to speak English in these conferences rather than speaking French?'

Without hesitating, the American Admiral replied 'Maybe it's because the Brits, Canadians, Aussies and Americans arranged it so you wouldn't have to speak German.

That last story strikes home a bit for me. I've traveled a little bit in France, on weekends wrested from business trips. Being the odd sort that I am, I spent almost no time in the famous places (especially Paris!); instead, I drove about all over the countryside. Except for one locale, the attitude displayed by the French admiral in that story was completely consistent with what I ran into. Most of my interactions with the French, even in the countryside, were markedly less friendly than many other places that I've traveled.

Except for Normandy, that is. There I met quite a few people who still remember – and appreciate – what the Allies did on D-Day and afterward. Several times while visiting graveyards or monuments, locals approached me, asked if I was American, and then (upon getting a “yes”) engaged me in pleasant conversation. The older folks were happy to share their memories. I'm not sure what happened to make the rest of France generally so snooty, but whatever it is seems to have passed Normandy by…