Saturday, June 17, 2006

Vent

It doesn’t get much better than that.

So says Michelle Malkin at the end of her current Vent on “Hot Air", which is all about the flapadoodle surrounding Anne Coulter’s latest book, “Godless”. Michelle’s point (which you’ll have to watch the video to understand) is right on. Don’t miss it!

BTW, if you’re not familiar with Vent — it’s Ms. Malkin’s recent venture into video blogging. It’s updated daily, and is often quite good. It is the only video feature of any kind (on television or the web) that I watch every day.

And Anne Coulter can be “shameless” around me any time she wants to be!

Ah, Home

Yesterday afternoon I headed home from my week on business in San Francisco. My company’s offices are on the Embarcadero, and I was flying from Oakland. In the past I’ve taken a taxi; they’re expensive (around $60), and the timing is subject to the whims of traffic. This time I took the BART (there’s a station a block from the office) and a shuttle bus from the Oakland Coliseum exit to the airport — just under an hour, from the time I left the office until I hit the security line, and $5.35. I think I’ll be doing that from now on!

I actually left the office an hour or so early, hoping I could catch an earlier flight than I’d booked, but this was not to be. When I got to the airport, I discovered two things: all the air conditioning in the airport was down (and it was a hot day), and every Southwest flight to San Diego was delayed. Not exactly my favorite combination. By the time my original 4:45 departure time rolled around, the Southwest folks had mostly caught up — I ended up leaving just 15 minutes late. Normally I don’t look forward to the airplane seat, but this time, after the stultifying heat of the airport, the airplanes seat was wonderful — it had a fan!

And that plane took me to San Diego, in luxurious air-conditioned comfort, where my lovely bride picked me up at the airport. We had a “catch up” conversation on the way home, sharing some laughs. I missed those. And finally we drove onto the home stretch, into Lawson Valley — painted in the abstract pastels and stark silhouettes of dusk in the desert — and to our little house. Inside, I was welcomed back by three deliriously happy brown dogs, each in their own fashion. Mo’i practically knocked me over, nibbling frantically on my ear, making funny little grunting noises. Lea looked all excited, got low to the ground, and kept running away and returning for some more petting. And little Miki (whom I was worried might have forgotten me) was all over me, squeaking and squirming, and so obviously beside himself with joy that I couldn’t help but laugh out loud. My face was very wet before he was done with me…

It’s funny how little things about home can seem so good after you’ve been away for a while. Our shower, for instance — nothing really remarkable about it, but it does work very well, pouring huge quantities of our well water all over you when you turn it on. Nothing like the feeble squirts from the (perfectly normal) hotel shower. Ah, I enjoyed that shower.

And much else. There really is no place like home…

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Broasted Chicken Cafe

The hotel I’m staying in (tonight’s the last night!) has remarkably little to commend it, though it’s not actually awful in any particular way — just rather uniformly mediocre and uninteresting. About the best part of it is the restaurant on the ground floor; I’ve eaten there each night this week and had a very pleasant, quality meal each time. I’d particularly recommend the smoked chicken pasta.

But tonight I decided to take a little walk through the immediate area to see if I could find something a little different for dinner. I was actually a bit early for many restaurants; about 4 PM. I’d left the office early to work in the quiet of the hotel room, only to find a rather raucous get-together was happening in the room next to mine. Sigh. So an early supper would make a good escape.

I walked a few blocks uphill on Market Street, away from the Civic Center, just enjoying the walk and waiting for some eatery to catch my fancy. A small cafe; neat and uncrowded, advertised in big letters on a metal sign over the door “Broasted Chicken Cafe” — I happen to be a fan of broasted chicken, and the place looked like it might be safe to eat in (several others I’d passed were not so highly qualified), so I stepped inside.

A fellow who appeared to be from somewhere in South Asia — perhaps Sri Lanka, or southern India, or even Thailand — greeted me very pleasantly and prepared to take my order. I looked over the menu above the counter, and to my surprise didn’t see a single item with broasted chicken. There were some tasty looking panini, wraps, soups, and salads on the menu, but not one item with chicken, much less broasted chicken. Also no broaster in sight.

So I asked the fellow behind the counter where the broasted chicken items were. He looked at me as though he’d just discovered he was in the company of a lunatic, and thought that a bit worrisome. With a very thick accent, he said: “No chicken! Panini, wrap, soup, salad, very good. No chicken! No chicken!"

"But…", I said, “the sign outside says 'broasted chicken'.” I should have known better than to question him.

"No chicken sign!", he said, looking worried — and then he ran out from behind the counter and right out the door, beckoning me to follow him. He pointed to the tiny little sidewalk sign — a small folding sign with a chalkboard on both sides — and repeated “No chicken sign!"

So I pointed up to the large sign over his door that said “Broasted Chicken Cafe” — and I couldn’t resist; I said “Chicken Sign!"

My fellow looked at that sign, squinted, and tilted his head sideways — looking for all the world like someone who had truly never seen the sign over his door before. He looked surprised. Then he looked at me and said, definitively, “No chicken!"

And went back inside. Where I followed and meekly ordered a ham and swiss panini and some potato salad. Both were outstanding; I actually went back for more potato salad, which was absolute spudly perfection.

But it wasn’t broasted chicken.

Facing Down the Man

Forwarded by SimonM…

Never Argue With A Woman

One morning, a husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.

Although not familiar with the lake, his wife decides to take their boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and takes out her book.

Along comes a game warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, “Good morning, Ma’am. What are you doing?"

"Reading a book,” she replies (thinking, “Isn’t it obvious?!").

"You’re in a restricted fishing area,” he informs her.

"I’m sorry, Officer, but I’m not fishing, I’m reading."

"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I’ll have to take you in and write you up."

"If you do that, I’ll have to charge you with sexual assault,” says the woman.

"But, I haven’t touched you,” says the game warden.

"That’s true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know, you could start at any moment."

Have a nice day, ma’am,” he said…and quickly left.

Moral of the story: Never argue with a woman who reads. It’s likely she can also think.

Moonbat Encounter

Yesterday morning I left my hotel room at about 5:30 AM, and headed for the Starbucks in the lobby — my usual routine on this business trip. I got my coffee and pastry, wandered over to a table, and proceeded to set up my laptop so I could read the news while I drank my coffee.

Sitting next to me was a slight man, perhaps in his late 20s or early 30s. He glanced at me once, then again, and gave me a sour sort of look. Over the next few minutes, he repeated this, looking more and more agitated and disturbed — and I was starting to wonder what sort of a nut I’d managed to choose a seat near. More about Ethel Merman, perhaps?

Finally this fellow couldn’t stand it, and he spit out a single word that apparently summed up everything he was feeling so intensely: “Fascist!"

Moi, fascist? There are many unkind things one could say about me and be perfectly accurate. Accusing me of being a fascist, though, would not be one of them.

Engaging with this guy (whom I was starting to think of as a full-on loony) didn’t seem like a particularly attractive option, but…I was very curious about why he labeled me as a fascist. So I asked him, very politely, “Why do you think I’m a fascist?"

In response, he nodded and glanced toward my chest. On my shirt I had a small pin of the American flag, something that’s been a normal piece of my business attire since shortly after 9/11. So I asked: “You think I’m a fascist because I have an American flag pin?"

And that set this guy off on a moonbat rant that lasted for a minute or so, non-stop, at the end of which he got up in disgust and (thankfully!) left. His voice started out low, but by the end of his rant he was quite loud, and several other patrons started to look a little worried. Most of his rant consisted of a string of assumptions, all derived in the end from my flag pin. I will not be able to recall them all perfectly, but the general gist of it was something like this: because I wear a flag pin, I must be a mindless, jack-booted, racist, UN-hating, rich Republican. Republicans are all low-IQ, pollution-loving, evil rapists who long ago corrupted representative democracy in America into its current form, where all policy is dictated by some combination of Karl Rove, Enron, and Exxon, which are all fascist organizations. Therefore I was clearly a fascist. Well, at least it was clear to him!

By the end of this rant, he was red in the face, yelling, spitting a bit, and had lost any semblance of control over his emotional state. He was really quite agitated when he left. And those two questions really are the only things I said to him to provoke this — well, that, and my unforgiveable sin of wearing an American flag pin.

From some perspectives, this was an amusing little interlude; a run-in with a nutjob that really had no larger meaning.

From a different perspective, though, it’s more disturbing — a window into a mindset fervently held, but so different than my own that I have a great deal of trouble comprehending it. A fellow citizen of this country, who believes, apparently, that any open expression of patriotism — love of my country — is something to be despised. A fellow citizen who seems to be convinced that he lives in the land of evil, with his life controlled by operatives of the devil and is totally out of his control.

That was yesterday morning. Now I’m about to go down to Starbucks again for this morning’s coffee. I wonder what awaits me there today?

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

The Big City

Big cities are not exactly my favorite kinds of places — I’m pretty much a country bumpkin at heart. There are many things about big cities that I just plain detest. But some things about them are downright wierd, and sometimes even funny.

This morning I got up around 5:30 AM (late for me!) and headed down to my hotel’s lobby, where there was a Starbucks. I bought my coffee and a pastry, and sat down at one of the high tables on a ridiculously tall stool. My plan was to sip my coffee and read the news online (I had my laptop, and the hotel has a free WiFi service). As I was waiting for my laptop to boot, a very scruffy looking fellow — a homeless guy, I think — hailed me as if I was his long-lost buddy, and immediately started in on a lengthy discourse about Ethel Merman. Clearly he believed this was the most important topic in the universe, and nothing I could do or say would dissuade him from this belief.

At first I tried to be polite in my attempts to disengage, but eventually I ended up just telling him directly “I’m going to read my news now, and I am not going to listen to you or respond to you.” And I sat down to do that. My scruffy guy was completely unfazed by this — in fact, my disengagement seemed to give him new energy in his Ethel Merman monologue marathon. So I listened, unwillingly, to his highly detailed knowledge of Ethel Merman’s childhood on Long Island, while I tried to read the Wall Street Journal editorial page.

It was challenging.

After my coffee and pastry, I walked outside and immediately down to the train station — the “Muni”. It’s a subway, really, with big stations that aren’t very crowded. The train ride from my hotel to work is only a couple of miles — and yet on that short ride this morning, I saw more unusual people than I’d see in a couple of years in the country area where I live. Hell, probably more than a lifetime in the area where I live!

The odd folks that I recall include:

— A man who appeared to be in his 60s (or even older) was stationed in the Civic Center train station, playing an unrecognizable tune on a guitar with only two strings still intact. He hummed along with his guitar playing, and his humming was missing a few strings, too. He had short-cropped white hair except for a long ponytail that was dyed a brilliant, almost neon orange; his face had the good cheer and wholesomeness of a Santa Claus. He didn’t have the appearance of someone who was impoverished or homeless — he had nice clothes and looked healthy enough — but he had a little sign next to a plastic bucket that said “Your coins are my salvation.” Thing is, that sign was done at some kind of professional graphics outfit — it looked like a piece of classy marketing literature.

— A pair of young women were on the train I climbed into, dressed identically and sitting together; their outfits and makeup seemed calculated to make them appear older than they really were. They spent the entire train ride (thankfully it was a short ride!) pointing to various riders and loudly discussing whatever they felt like discussing. Usually this involved speculations about sexual orientation, sexual experience, sexually transmitted diseases, or…you get the idea. Most people just ignored them. I won’t repeat what they said about me. The little old Chinese lady sitting next to me laughed and laughed at all their ranting, and kept begging to be their next target.

— A pair of young men (late teens, most likely) dressed in the current fashion: pants with a crotch at knee level, pant leg bottoms all gathered at their ankles, and their waistbands lowered to mid-butt level with a few acres of their loud boxer shorts showing. They were speaking to each other in what appeared to be a hybrid of English and grunts, using many more gestures than one would ordinarily see. I was just a few feet from them, and could hear them clearly, but I could not understand a word they said. Whatever it was, it was serious stuff, to them, at least. But it got a lot less serious when one of them somehow got hung up on his clothing as he tried to get on the escalator — he fell and his trousers ended up entirely around his ankles. That got an appreciative chuckle from all my fellow commuters within sight.

— A middle-aged fellow with a distinctly professorial air, unless you happened to be walking behind him. He was wearing dress pants and a dress shirt, cardigan and a bow tie, with dressy loafers. But as he walked, and his soles became visible to those behind him, you could see in big, neat white letters “EAT” on his left sole, and “SHIT” on his right. Classy.

— As I exited the Embarcadero train station and made it back into the sunlight, an older man pushing an old-fashioned ice cream cart came to a halt in front of me. Right in the path of the commuters streaming out of the station, he set the brakes on his cart, and opened up the freezer compartment. Inside, I could see, there wasn’t any ice cream — just a collection of junk that was uniformly bright and shiny. Pieces of brightly colored bottles, polished bits of metal, some ribbons from gift packages, and so on. He rummaged about for a moment, then closed the freezer, unset his brakes, and moved on along. The entire incident took perhaps 45 seconds, and accomplished nothing whatsoever that I could see. But the fellow seemed to be happy with the world…

And that’s just one trip!

Monday, June 12, 2006

Now Hear This

I will be working away from home (in San Francisco) this week. I’m not sure what this will mean for blogging, but my guess is that it will be light…

Sunday, June 11, 2006

Marine Email

Via Tammy Bruce:

Just wanted to write to you and tell you another story about an experience we had over here.

As you know, I asked for toys for the Iraqi children over here and several people (Americans that support us) sent them over by the box. On each patrol we take through the city, we take as many toys as will fit in our pockets and hand them out as we can. The kids take the toys and run to show them off as if they were worth a million bucks. We are as friendly as we can be to everyone we see, but especially so with the kids. Most of them don’t have any idea what is going on and are completely innocent in all of this.

On one such patrol, our lead security vehicle stopped in the middle of the street. This is not normal and is very unsafe, so the following vehicles began to inquire over the radio. The lead vehicle reported a little girl sitting in the road and said she just would not budge. The command vehicle told the lead to simply go around her and to be kind as they did. The street was wide enough to allow this maneuver and so they waved to her as they drove around.

As the vehicles went around her, I soon saw her sitting there and in her arms she was clutching a little bear that we had handed her a few patrols back. Feeling an immediate connection to the girl, I radioed that we were going to stop. The rest of the convoy paused and I got out the make sure she was OK. The little girl looked scared and concerned, but there was a warmth in her eyes toward me. As I knelt down to talk to her, she moved over and pointed to a mine in the road.

Immediately a cordon was set as the Marine convoy assumed a defensive posture around the site. The mine was destroyed in place.

It was the heart of an American that sent that toy. It was the heart of an American that gave that toy to that little girl. It was the heart of an American that protected that convoy from that mine. Sure, she was a little Iraqi girl and she had no knowledge of purple mountain’s majesty or fruited plains. It was a heart of acceptance, of tolerance, of peace and grace, even through the inconveniences of conflict that saved that convoy from hitting that mine. Those attributes are what keep Americans hearts beating. She may have no affiliation at all with the United States, but she knows what it is to be brave and if we can continue to support her and her new government, she will know what it is to be free. Isn’t that what Americans are, the free and the brave?

If you sent over a toy or a Marine (US Service member) you took part in this. You are a reason that Iraq has to believe in a better future. Thank you so much for supporting us and for supporting our cause over here.

That’s a little Iraqi girl that I’d really love to do something for…

Smoke Rings

The rightmost photo is Mt. St. Helens; the leftmost is Mt. McKinley (Denali). As usual, click on the photo for a larger version.

From Jim Mundy:

Not many of you get to see this, unless you live near there — Mt. St. Helens at sunrise.

Mt. St. Helens continues to spew ash, while it is forming a lava dome in the crater and still having minor tremors.

Here in this sunrise shot, she appears to be blowing smoke rings (and anything so benign is welcomed, given recent history).

What forms the “smoke rings” is the air flowing over the mountain getting pushed up higher as it goes up and over the top. The moisture content and initial temperature are just right so that the moisture condenses from a vapor to small particles at the higher altitude. When the moving air moves past the peak and comes down again, the particles evaporate back to an invisible vapor.

The two “pancakes” describe that there are two layers of air for which this is happening, thus making this awesome picture possible.

Formative Events

This is the third of a series of posts on the formative events in my life. Search for “formative events” to see all of them.

If you could somehow peer back at my interests and activities in the 1960s and early 1970s, you’d quickly conclude that I was headed for some kind of a career in electronics, and in particular, radio electronics. While I still dabble in electronics, I haven’t done anything with radio electronics for over 30 years. My career is all about programming, with a distinctly minor element (especially for the past 25 years) of digital electronics. What the heck happened?

In 1971, I had an advanced amateur radio license and an FCC first class license. I was building radio transmitters and receivers of my own design; primitive but they worked. I knew quite a bit about analog and radio electronics, especially with vacuum tubes as the active element. I had read a bit about digital logic — AND gates, inverters, flip-flops, and so forth — and had even puzzled out how they worked, though I never connected the dots about how you could do something useful with them. But I never seen an electronic calculator, much less a computer. I had zero interest in computers as a hobby, as the notion that I could ever own one myself had never entered my head (this was long before the days of personal computers!).

Then I joined the U.S. Navy, in a special six-year enlistment program they had. This program guaranteed that I’d get two years of training in electronics before I spent four more years serving; the only condition was that I had to pass the classes. The recruiter, true to form (he lied), told me that I’d be able to choose the field I’d be assigned to — and the Navy had some very interesting radio communications programs. I was very attracted to a rate called CTM, which was basically an electronics technician for the spook’s (spies) gear — and everyone knew that the spooks had the latest, hottest gear.

I went to boot camp for 18 long and shocking weeks in Orlando, Florida. Boot camp was not nice, but there was one (and only one, trust me) element of boot camp at which I excelled: taking aptitude and achievement tests. At that time, everyone in boot camp took a battery of standard tests. Guys who did well on certain tests were given more tests, at a higher level. There was even a third round possible, depending on the results of the second. I did well on basically all the tests (all that reading and studying was paying off), even on tests for areas that I thought I had negative aptitude, such as foreign languages. But the tests that got me the most excited were the tests involving electronics, math, and physics: I got 99th percentile scores on all of them, and I’d been told that this meant I would be able to choose whatever rate I wanted. I wanted CTM, and I was certain I would get it.

Wrong again, burrito-breath.

The way we found out what rate we were assigned to is by the orders we got upon leaving boot camp. Because my enlistment program guaranteed two years of school, I knew my orders would be to a school — but I didn’t know which one. When they handed out the orders, and I read mine, I could scarce believe my eyes: I was being sent first to “BEEP” school (basic electronics) in San Diego, then to “DS” school. I had never even heard of the DS rate, so my very disappointed imagination went into overdrive trying to figure out what the hell it was. My company commander was not a help: he was certain it was some kind of dental technician, though he couldn’t figure out why they’d send me to BEEP school first for that. I didn’t find out the truth for a couple of agonizing days, but finally I knew: DS was “Data Systems Technician", an electronics technician specializing in repairing digital equipment, including computers.

Oh, I was so bitterly disappointed! I was even moved to do something very unusual for me at that time in my life (I was still extremely introverted): I complained. Loudly. Eventually I got an appointment to see an actual officer; I’ve forgotten his exact role, but it had something to do with “detailing” — the Navy’s name for the process of assigning sailors to roles. He let me vent my whole story: my high test scores, my recruiter’s promises, my choice of CTM, my unhappiness with the DS assignment. Then he said, basically: “Tough toenails, sailor. Buck up and get with the program; you’re going to be a DS.” Of course he used a slightly cruder set of verbal constructs involving creative arrangements of both common and exotic four-letter words, but that was the general notion. He also added something that gave me pause: that the washout rate from DS school was very high, amongst the highest of all Navy schools — and that I really ought to consider what a prestigous and plum assignment DS school was. He allowed as how he was very surprised at my negative reaction, because a DS assignment as about as good as it gets for an enlisted guy in the Navy.

After my post-bootcamp leave, I was off to San Diego for BEEP school. This was a “self paced” course, which means you could stay there for quite a few weeks until you passed all the module tests. Shore duty in San Diego is just about as good as it gets in the Navy. So did I do the obvious thing, and stretch out that time as much as possible? Hell, no! This idiot went and “challenged” all the modules' tests on the first day I was there. This took the system a bit by surprise (apparently nobody else had ever been so stupid as to pass all the tests on day 1), and I ended up stationed there for a couple of weeks while they figured out where to send me next. I spent that two weeks just goofing off — and kicking myself for having been so stupid as to pass all those tests immediately!

Finally the system caught up to me, and the Navy packed me off to Mare Island, just outside of Vallejo, California. This is on the east side of the San Francisco Bay, and it was to be my home for the next couple of years. I like that area a lot, and I have very fond memories of the many trips I took to the surrounding sights.

I attended a series of classes at Mare Island, starting with basic digital logic and eventually working up to repair of computers and various peripherals (some of which were fairly exotic things, such as interfaces to sonar systems and radar systems). The courses were very much focused on the hardware, as back in those days the interval between failures was quite short — you really needed technicians to keep the equipment running.

While the training was focused on repair work, it included quite a bit of theory — you can’t repair something unless you understand how it works. These classes were, for the most part, almost trivially easy for me. This was because of a combination of several things: my relatively heavy electronics background (especially compared with my classmates), the relatively slow pace of the coursework (the lowest common denominator problem), and at least to some extent my own aptitude for it. But because the coursework was so easy for me, I had lots of time on my hands during school time — and my instructors were generally quite supportive of my doing “extra” things, so long as there was some conceivable connection to my Navy work.

I’ll pause here to mention another significant factor for my work at school — something that was a powerful motivator for me. On the first day in school, our new class was gathered and a chief (a relatively high-ranking enlisted guy) tried to scare the hell out of us. He succeeded admirably with me, but to my surprise he failed with most of my classmates. His message was real simple: half of us would likely flunk out of class, and those who flunked out would be sent to another school at Mare Island: the “swift boat” school. Swift boats, if you’re not familiar with them, are small, light, shallow-draft, and fast craft designed for patrol work on the rivers and coastal waterways. They are made of plywood; there is no armor. They are lightly armed; this varied, but generally was a .50 caliber machine gun and little else. They had small crews. And they had the highest casualty rate of any Navy unit — the Vietnam War was still going hot and heavy. There was a reason so many people were going to swift boat school — replacement crew member were always needed.

Yikes! I thought about the swift boats at least 100 times a day. Whenever my focus wavered or my energy level lagged, those thoughts would take care of the motivation problem. Amazingly (to me, anyway) this was demonstrably not true for most of my classmates. Even when their grades were putting them in danger, the typical response would be to go out for pizza and beer. And many washouts did go to swift boat school. Oh, man…

So I put in a lot of hours — to some extent, motivated by the threat of swift boats, to an increasing extent as time went by, motivated by my own interest. My first “extra” projects were hardware. It was just starting to be easy at that time for ordinary people to buy digital logic IC chips. I built all sorts of things, first from schematics, later from designs of my own. My most ambitious digital project was a “camera controller” — a gadget designed to let me take pictures of wildlife by setting up my camera on a tripod, and having the shutter triggered by the animal breaking light beams, making sound, or stepping on a trigger. I built a fancy little control box, full of lights and switches, that let me use any combination of these things I wanted to set off the camera. It could also take pictures at regular intervals, or take very long exposures (with a fancy integrating light meter to control it). I was very proud of that box, even if I was the only person who had any idea what it did. And it was my first really challenging digital electronic design.

But at some point, about a year into my school at Mare Island, we were taught the rudiments of programming. And I mean rudiments! Remember, their goal was not to make programmers out of us — it was to teach us how to repair digital equipment (in this case, a computer). But to repair a computer, we had to know just the tiniest smidgen of programming, at the machine code (lowest) level. This was the first class I found challenging — and I remember a period of a few weeks when I was wandering around with a bruised brain. I just wasn’t “getting” it. I knew that programming was the “secret sauce” that made computers actually useful, but I was having a lot of trouble understanding how that could be so. There was a very crisp event — in my brain — in the middle of one of these class sessions; this event was the proverbial light bulb going off, the big “AH HA!” moment. To any technical types reading this, the nature of that event might be quite amusing: it was when it dawned on me that computers executed machine code instructions one after the other, in sequential order unless there was a branch instruction. This is one of the key constructs of the “Von Neumann architecture” that all computers were (and still are) based on — but we weren’t taught that (it wasn’t necessary for repair work!).

That event, in context, was a key formative event in my life. From that one simple realization all sorts of derived notions spring quite naturally, and I was springing them like mad. And I wanted to program; I desperately wanted to program — this looked like a lot of fun to me (it was, and still is). But where could I get a computer to practice on? There were no Apples or IBMs back then; normal citizens couldn’t just walk out and buy a computer. The facility at Mare Island, however, was chock full of computers — and they were only being used during working hours on weekdays. With expectations of being shot down, I asked permission to have access during off hours — and the Navy floored me, because they granted me free access.

I went completely crazy on programming for the next year. There’s no other way to say it. I spent every possible waking hour (and I was young, so long evening hours were still possible!). The only programming language I knew was machine code (that’s all they bothered to teach us about, as that’s all you really need to know as a technician), so everything I did was in that language. I quickly grew tired of manually translating instructions into machine code, so I wrote a program to do it — I didn’t know it at the time, but I had re-invented something called an “assembler”. I called it a “translator", and it worked by reading files (on magnetic tape or paper tape) containing something that almost looks like English, and figuring out what machine code would represent that. I came up with the same basic idea of using “symbols” to represent variables or labels that modern assemblers use, but I worked it out on my own. That experience was invaluable, and formed a pattern for a lot of the programming I did over the next few years — I was simply unaware of the fact that other people had already explored this territory, so I just kept reinventing the concepts that they’d already invented. One way to look at that is that I wasted an awful lot of time “reinventing the wheel”. I choose to look at it another way: by reinventing the wheel, I learned an awful lot about how wheels work.

By the time I graduated from Mare Island’s schools, I was a reasonably competent programmer — albeit using strange, unconventional techniques and a self-invented assembler. The most ambitious program I wrote was a chess program that used all the computers in the lab, in a network (although we didn’t call it a network back then!). It wasn’t a very good chess player, but then neither was I and that wasn’t really the point — the point was that I had been able use the “secret sauce” to do something fairly abstract and complex. And I had a lot of fun doing it!

After school, I was stationed on the USS Long Beach (CGN-9), a nuclear-powered guided missile cruiser. It had three mainframes and one minicomputer in the NTDS system that I was assigned to, two more mainframes in the SPS-33 radar system, and a UYK-20 mainframe in the radio room (part of a secure satellite communications system). I did quite a bit of programming while station on the Long Beach. Some was job-related — for example, I successfully found and fixed some (very bad) bugs in the software that interfaced the SPS-33 radar with the NTDS system. These were hand-patched at the machine code level, if you can imagine that, as we had no compilers or linkers on the ship (not that I even knew, then, what those were!). Other things I did were recreational, and what I was quite well known for on the ship was a game I wrote. This game allowed multiple players on multiple “display consoles” (basically simple vector graphics displays) to fly simulated aircraft in a shoot 'em up contest. The simulated planes could fire cannons and missiles, and were as realistic as I could make them in terms of flight capabilities. Most of the people who worked on NTDS — officers and enlisted — spent many, many hours playing my game (called “BOINK"). And I learned a lot about programming while doing it.

Partway through my four years, I made friends with a fellow named Mike Blier — a chief electronics warfar technician. I’ve actually forgotten how we met, but I’ll never forget the next couple of years when we spent nearly every free moment working together on hobby computers. Mike bought one of the earliest kits (an IMSAI), and built it — but he had no idea how to make it do anything. Enter me — and of course I got hooked on this really quickly, and soon began building my own computers. I was astonished at the power of this little hobby computers — they were far more powerful than the “mainframe” computers I was repairing for the Navy! And I could buy one! Yee ha!

Mike and I spent countless hours with our computers, building, learning, experimenting. A long “WestPac” cruise with many weeks in the Indian Ocean helped provide many hours for us. So far from any source of parts, we had to make do with what we had — and all that improvisation was a real learning experience, too. Mike never really got into programming — that was my gig — but we both gained a lot of expertise about modern hardware.

Toward the end of my Navy career, I owned several computers of my own, and was spending a lot of time working on them. I had no idea what I was going to do when I got out of the Navy, but I knew for sure I wanted to work with microcomputers. But there weren’t any obvious job for someone with my skills — there really wasn’t much call for microcomputer technicians, and what need there was was being filled mainly by college students working for next-to-nothing. And I didn’t have the credentials (a degree) to be an engineer. Things were looking a bit shaky, career-wise, when Mike Blier showed me an ad in one of the magazines he was always reading. The ad was from Tarbell Electronics, a well-known name in the fledgling hobby computer industry. Don Tarbell, the owner, was looking for someone to write some software for him, on a contact basis — for something called a “Basic interpreter", intended to out-perform and compete with a product already on the market: Microsoft Basic.

Technical types will find this next bit quite amusing. I had absolutely no clue what a Basic interpreter was. I had no idea what any high level language was, or an interpreter, or a compiler. This is what happens when you don’t have any formal training — concepts that are well-understood by a first-year computer science student were completely missing from my brain. All I knew was that Don Tarbell was willing to pay someone to write some software, and he was asking for proposals. So, figuring I had nothing to lose, I wrote to him with my proposal.

Try to imagine what this must have looked like to Don Tarbell. He gets a letter in the mail — a hand-written letter, full of corrections, with a US Navy “from” address. In this poorly written letter is something that looks like a child’s idea of a proposal — but it does firmly say the following: that this nutcase would write him a Basic interpreter, to his specs (which I had not yet seen), in three months, for a fixed price of $2,000. To deliver a Basic interpreter, written from scratch by one guy, in just three months sounds completely absurd — six months or a year, maybe. But three months? No way! And to offer to pull off such a miracle for a mere $2,000? Crazy!

But to me, $2,000 for three months work was great pay — my Navy salary was just $333 a month. And since I had no idea what I was going to build, I just figured that I could build anything in three months. Don Tarbell wrote back and asked for a phone call; I called him and we talked for about an hour, and then he agreed to engage me. Years later he told me that he figured this was a no-lose proposition for him — the next lowest proposal he received was for (if I’m remembering correctly) $60,000 and 9 months, so if he blew $2,000 and 3 months on me, he hadn’t really put much at risk. I think most businessmen would have passed on my proposal, figuring the risk was just too high. Don Tarbell, for whatever reason, gave me a chance to do something that ended up starting my career in programming. I suspect he liked my spirit and confidence, and further liked the idea that his contract meant a lot to me.

This contract provoked an effort that when I look back on it myself has some elements of the grand epic…and not a little bit of Keystone Cops. When I got the signed contract in my hands, along with the specs for the Basic Interpreter I was to build, I didn’t even own a computer capable of being used for development: I needed a computer with 64K of RAM (the most you could get on a microcomputer back then), some kind of storage (I was still using cassette tapes and paper tape), and a printer. Nor did I own any of the development tools one would consider essential today: I had no editor, no assembler, no linker, and no debugger. And I had just three months to deliver.

To save time, I bought an economical computer kit from a fellow named Dr. Suding, who had a company in Colorado named Digital Group. I built the kit in a couple of days and got it all running. Nice stuff. I bought eight 8KB static memory boards and put them on an extension motherboard — and then had to build an enormous 5VDC power supply to power those things, and also jury-rig a whole bunch of ground to cure some ground noise problems I had. I bought a dot matrix printer from them as well — but it came without software, so I had to write a driver for it. I bought a floppy disk controller board (from Don Tarbell!), and a Persci dual voice-coil positioning 8” double-sided, double-density floppy drive — the Cadillac of floppy drives! It took me a total of about two weeks to get all that stuff in my hands, build it, write the drivers, and make it all work. That was two weeks of very, very long hours, but I didn’t mind at all, as I was having a ball!

When I finished with that, I had a 4MHz Z80 development system, with 64K of RAM, a monitor, a keyboard, and a printer. The operating system was CP/M. Now I needed development tools, and I needed them badly. There was a “tiny” development system running around in source code form; this included a simple monitor with a line-oriented editor, an assembler/linker (all code had to be in a single module), and a debugger. The latter was a brand new concept to me; that’s one idea I never came up with on my own. Anyway, I can’t remember the name of this stuff, but I got my hands on the source code and studied it for a day or so to see how all this stuff worked. Then I had a bunch of ideas for how to make it better. For starters, I wanted to edit directly on the screen (the way we do today, but back then such a thing was a new concept). I absolutely had to have multiple modules, as this program was going to be large. And I had all kinds of ideas for the debugger, especially for “smart” breakpoints and register dumping.

So I spent the next three weeks building development tools. The first thing I wrote was an assembler whose input was Zilog Z80 mnemonics and whose output was a linkable, relocatable code format that I invented (once again, because I didn’t known that others had already done this). Then I wrote a linker to take multiple modules of assembler output and create an object code image from them. Then I wrote an on-screen editor; primitive by today’s standards but compared with the line-oriented editors normally used it was wonderful! The most challenging feature of that editor was that it could handle files larger than would fit in memory; that was essential for the kinds of source code files I’d be working with. Then I wrote a debugger — a very nice debugger, with features I’d never heard of anywhere else, such as conditional breakpoints. I had a lot of fun using the debugger to debug itself!

About 5 weeks into my 13 week contract, I was finally ready to actually start developing the Basic Interpreter. My starting point was to learn Basic, as I’d never seen a high level language before. Compared with assembly language, the syntax of Basic is almost trivially easy — but very powerful. Once I figured out what an “interpreter” was, the majority of the Basic language was really straightforward. I could easily imagine how to build my interpreter for those parts. But two parts of the language looked considerably more challenging: evaluating arithmetic expressions, and the whole notion of floating point math (and all the associated operators and functions).

Eager to make some progress, I decided to leave the hard stuff to the end, and I started writing code. Note that I completely left out the usual design phase of the project: — I just sat down and started coding. This is as though you hired someone to build you a house, and they just picked up their tools and started sawing and hammering, not bothering with anything so irksome as a plan!

For a project this large, and especially for something I’d never built before (an interpreter), this was borderline crazy. But that’s what I did…

In about a month (working, I think, 18 or so hours a day on average) I had everything running except the hard stuff. A real, live Basic interpreter — buggy, some parts were very slow, some parts of the spec I was ignoring, but it was working. This was already a very satisfying achievement for me. But now to the hard stuff…

I had worked in the Navy on something called a CORDIC MATHPAK — basically a collection of subroutines that implemented floating point math, with all the usual operators and functions. I understood that stuff fairly well, and it served as a model for me on my interpreter. But…the Navy work was predicated on a mainframe computer that had add, subtract, multiply, and divide as basic instructions that the computer could do by itself — and a Z80 (the target processor for the interpreter) was missing the last two. I wrote multiply and divide functions and optimized the heck out of them (I remember that my divide function was a couple of clock cycles faster than any I’d seen published), mainly by unrolling loops. But still the CORDIC algorithms would be very slow using these multiply and divide functions. So I looked for something that would be faster, and somehow happened on a little book called “Hastings Approximations”. This volume contained a whole bunch of polynomials that allowed very fast evaluation of approximately correct transcendental functions (logs, sines, etc.), to know accuracies — and there were approximations listed for all the functions I needed, with more accuracy than I needed. These approximations were my salvation: I used them to build all the transcendental functions in my interpreter, and the result was substantially faster than the spec.

The last remaining hurdle was expression evaluation, along with a new one that popped up and turned out to be very challenging: formatted numeric printing. Expression evaluation is one of those things that any computer science student is exposed to very early, and it’s one of those things that’s been well-studied. There is a lot of literature on this subject. Naturally, I was blissfully ignorant of this, so I just invented my own way. The approach I took wasn’t a bad one, either: I converted a conventional expression into reverse-Polish form, and then evaluated it using a stack. I got this idea from seeing how HP calculators worked; it made sense to me. Printing a formatted number really is a challenging problem, but more because it’s a big, messy sort of job than any real algorthmic challenge. I remember this piece of code was a terrific challenge to debug, because there were so many tests that had to be made in order to exercise every branch of the code.

I completed the last functional piece of the interpreter about a week before I was due to deliver it. I thought that was a luxurious schedule, for now I had an entire week to polish the thing up. And I did — I spent the whole week testing and benchmarking, fixing bugs and optimizing. By the delivery day, it was looking pretty darned good.

A couple of days before delivery day, I called Don Tarbell to arrange my trip up to see him (I was in San Diego; he was in Carson, about 120 miles away). I remember being very surprised by his reaction when I told him I was ready to deliver — he was absolutely astonished! He asked me over and over again if I was sure I was ready; he said he’d rather I be a little late than to deliver something that wasn’t really ready. I assured him I was ready, and we set a date and time.

It was a very exciting drive for me up to his place. The whole time I was anticipating the fun of showing him the product — but there was also a little fear, that Don Tarbell might not be happy with what he got, for some reason. I was also looking forward to collecting that check — I was in real need of the money! When I arrived, bearing floppies with the source and object code, Don was ready with a system to test it on. We spent the next couple of hours with him just sitting at the keyboard, trying one thing after another, and every last thing he tried worked perfectly. After the first couple of tests, he had a smile; after about five he had a big grin. In a half hour or so, he was very excited and loudly happy. That was so much fun! And it’s still the part I like the best about being an engineer — having a happy customer when you deliver.

Don wrote me a check on the spot, gave me a tour of his shop (including the TTL logic computer he’d built from scratch), and sent me home with a couple of boards as a gift. Over the next few months we worked together a lot, with him contracting for both bug fixes and enhancements — and insisting on paying me going rates for that work. I made a lot more money on the followup work than I did on the original contract.

And that was my introduction to a career in software engineering…

Saturday, June 10, 2006

Dogly Thoughts

Hat tip to my friend Tom B.

The Philosophy of Dogs

The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue.

— Anonymous

...

Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.

— Ann Landers

...

If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went.

— Will Rogers

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There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.

— Ben Williams

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A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.

— Josh Billings

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The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.

— Andy Rooney

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We give dogs time we can spare, space we can spare and love we can spare. And in return, dogs give us their all. It’s the best deal man has ever made.

— M. Acklam

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Dogs love their friends and bite their enemies, quite unlike people, who are incapable of pure love and always have to mix love and hate.

— Sigmund Freud

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I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.

— Rita Rudner

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A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.

— Robert Benchley

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Anybody who doesn’t know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.

— Franklin P. Jones

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If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons.

— James Thurber

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If your dog is fat, you aren’t getting enough exercise.

— Unknown

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My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can. That’s almost $21.00 in dog money.

— Joe Weinstein

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Ever consider what our dogs must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul — chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we’re the greatest hunters on earth!

— Anne Tyler

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Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.

— Robert A. Heinlein

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If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man.

— Mark Twain

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You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, 'Wow, you’re right! I never would’ve thought of that!'

— Dave Barry

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Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole.

— Roger Caras

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If you think dogs can’t count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then give him only two of them.

— Phil Pastoret

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My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am.

— Unknown

Loterie Nationale

Most of the time, spam emails just tick me off. My email address is public enough that it has been discovered by just about every purveyor of ripped email addresses, and as a consequence I get hundreds of these damned things every day. I use Thunderbird as my email client, and its built-in junk mail filters do a bang-up job — but still, a few get through every day. This morning I found this gem in my inbox, having escaped Thunderbird’s junk filters:

NOTIFICATION FROM THE LOTERIE NATIONALE

We are delighted to notify you of the result of the LOTERIE NATIONALE quarterly award program. In accordance with the world lottery ordnance, you authorized as an official lottery prize winner to immediately file in for your claims upon receipt of this mail.

This is an online promotional program organized by LOTERIE NATIONALE. A total number of various individual email addresses and companies alike were entered for the Free Lotto Automatic Subscription Ticket Game. Details were submitted by international email service providers/marketing companies including public service providers strictly for this exercise. No ticket was sold.

Bear in mind that prizes will strictly be remitted to winners that officially file in for their claims within the given time frame. To begin your claim process, you are advised to immediately contact our program coordinator with the details below.

MRS. JANET DAAL.

Global Consult

Tel: +31 [redacted]

Email: [redacted]@excite.it

Note that all winnings must be claimed within 10 working days from the date of this notification; any unclaimed prize will be returned to the treasury of the organizing firm as unclaimed prize.

(NB) You are to file in for the claim of Two Million Five Hundred Thousand United States Dollars ($2,500,000.00) under category “A”. Here are your winning details:

Batch Number: LN-DN0TR764

Ticket Number: LN-TW09XV51

Ref Number: LN-883M09

Lucky Number: 554-20-501

Serial Number: LN/ERS

Congratulations once more and thank you for being part of our quarterly promotional program.

Yours truly,

KARL SCHOLTEN

The first thing that caught my eye — and what stopped me from deleting it immediately, as I usually would — was the phrase “world lottery ordnance”. Now I’m sure they really meant “world lottery ordinance", but the spelling they actually used raises all sorts of humorous questions. How, exactly, do you turn a “world lottery” into some kind of heavy weapon? Hmmmm… Perhaps you print a bazillion lottery tickets, pack them into a nice aerodynamic casing, and then drop them on some terrorist’s head? Hah!

The second paragraph is typical of these spams: a pathetic attempt to make a plausible case for why I should have been randomly selected to win $2.5M, in a way that benefits no company or government. And of course there’s the line calculated to build a sense of urgency: I have only 10 days to take action, or I’ll lose all this money!

You gotta love all the official sounding details, too. Not only do I get a ticket number, but also a batch number, a serial number, a reference number, and even a lucky number. Wow! This must be for real, with all that specific information on it!

I redacted the (Italian) email address and (Dutch) phone number, because I don’t want to be responsible for anyone actually contacting this scammer. I’m not sure what would happen if you did contact them, but most likely it would involve getting your bank or credit information — I can’t imagine what else they’d be after.

It never ceases to amaze me that such unsophisticated spams actually work — but they must, or nobody would go to the trouble of sending them off.

"World lottery ordnance”. Heh.

Friday, June 9, 2006

Formative Events

This is the second of an intended series of posts on the formative events in my life. Search for “formative events” to see all of them.

It’s hard for me to overstate the importance of the role that reading has played in shaping my life. I don’t remember exactly how and when I learned to read, or gained reading skills, but I do know this: I learned to read proficiently, with an adult-level vocabulary, years earlier than the other kids I grew up and went to school with.

Certainly part of the reason for my early reading skills was simply practice (more on that in a moment). But I know there was something else at work as well: I was a painfully introverted little kid, and books were a comfortable, certain, and accessible escape for me. Early in my reading I had the ability to completely lose myself in the book I was reading. If it was a fiction book, my whole world became the world in the book; if it was a non-fiction book, I got totally focused on the subject at hand (no matter what it was!). The scary and hurtful real world was gone. I was in another place for so long as I could read without interruption. It was (and still is!) almost another state of being for me. In my youth, this alternate reality was a much better reality than (most especially) school, and I was mightily attracted to it. When I read about addiction, some of the symptoms resonate with me — I think some might classify me as a “reading addict"…

But practice was also important, and while I can’t remember it precisely, it must have been practice that got me the reading skills that first allowed me to get into that other place. Our home — despite being on a farm, with a lower-than-average disposable income — was a rich source of reading material. Our livingroom had a large built-in floor-to-ceiling set of bookshelves packed with books, and we had a set of overflow bookshelves in our cellar — hundreds, perhaps thousands of books. And I devoured them all. I mean that last bit quite literally: I read every single book in our house — even an encyclopedia — cover-to-cover, and sometimes multiple times. My parents had some books hidden away, presumably because of their adult content, but I found all those, too (sorry, mom <smile>). I remember my frustration, at something like 12 or 13 years old, that I could find no more fresh reading material at home. Fortunately that’s about the same time I discovered lending libraries, and they became the source for my reading “fixes”.

Some of those books at home still stand out in my memory. The encyclopedia has a special status, for it was my introduction to the idea that one could acquire new knowledge by reading. It was also my introduction to the very notion that knowledge had been organized, and that there were named areas of knowledge (history, botany, mechanics, physics, etc.) that could be further explored. It may sound silly now, but for me at the time that was a huge revelation — I was so naive that I simply had no idea this was the case. My parents subscribed to Reader’s Digest Condensed Books, and we had hundreds of them on our bookshelves. Each of these books was a hard-cover volume of some 300 or 400 pages, with a “condensed” version of (on average) about five novels in each volume. Today I wouldn’t dream of picking up one of those things, for fear that the novelist’s art had been rudely trashed. But imagine what it was like for me as a kid, romping through hundreds of novels, in a form that was highly digestible for someone with a short attention span. By the time I was about 10 or 11, I could easily read an entire volume in an evening — a rate of five novels a day. We could have a debate about the quality of that experience, but you certainly couldn’t argue with the breadth of exposure it gave me. Those volumes introduced me to dozens and dozens of authors whose work I have enjoyed my whole life. Finally, there was a collection of books that my family inherited (my fuzzy memory says from my dad’s side) — kids books from the late 1800s and early 1900s. These were simply marvelous, and a nearly-endless source of pleasure for me: books like the Uncle Wiggly series, the Wizard of Oz series, and so on. Many had gorgeous color “plates” that I can still remember. I loved these books, reading each of them many times.

Somewhere along the line, certainly by the time I got to high school (Steinert High School in Hamiltion Township, NJ — alma mater of Sam Alito, our newest Supreme Court Justice — and no, I didn’t know him; I did know his sister Rosemary, who was in my class), I realized that I was reading a lot more than most kids were — and that I what I read, I read much faster. This was brought home to me in a way that was both exciting (because I got some recognition, a rare thing for me at school) and extraordinarily uncomfortable (recognition and introversion don’t mix well). I can’t recall the exact details, but sometime in my senior year there was an awards ceremony. The entire senior class was gathered in the auditorium, and one by one names of students who had excelled in some fashion were called to receive their public congratulations and a certificate. I remember sitting in the audience watching this as the select few of my fellow students were called up: highest grades, most improved, sports heroes, etc. Then I heard my name called — and I cannot convey in words just how profoundly shocking that was. I couldn’t imagine what I could possibly be recognized for — certainly not my grades, which were mediocre. I had gotten very high scores on SATs and the National Merit Scholarship, but there was nothing unique about that in our very large high school — several other students had equivalently high scores. And that agonizing walk to the stage, and up onto it — I can still recall the introverted pain of that march to my doom. When I got to the podium where our principal was handing out the awards, he started blathering about my “special” award, one they’d never done before, to recognize an achievement they’d never anticipated: I had checked out vastly more books from the school library than any student had ever done before. I don’t remember the numbers any more, but I do remember the principal saying that the number was 8 times my nearest competition. I knew that I read a lot, but I really didn’t realize that my reading volume was anything remotely like that exceptional. The librarian (one of my few adult friends), it turns out, had lobbied for this recognition. She also was the only person who knew that not only had I checked those books out, but I had read them — she often quizzed me about them, and even occasionally read one on my recommendation. She knew I’d read every last one of those books.

Two categories of those high-school books stand out for me: science fiction (in general), and Isaac Asimov’s incredibly wide-ranging series of non-fiction books on science and technology. The science fiction (and fantasy) became, for many years, my favorite escape mechanism. Isaac Asimov wrote science fiction, but he also wrote hundreds of non-fiction books, many of them aimed at young people. He had a special talent for making science and technology understandable — and fascinating — for me. Once I discovered them in our library, I read all the volumes we had, and then lobbied our librarian to get more. She’d either buy them, or borrow them from other libraries, just for me — in fact, this collaboration of ours on Isaac Asimov’s books, when I was in the tenth grade, was the beginning of my friendship with her — and that friendship was very important to me (and a couple of other social rejects) in high school, as she and her library were my refuge from the many ugly experiences I had in school. To my shame I cannot remember her name, but I remember her, and very fondly.

Well, this certainly turned into a long post!

That’s the story of the beginning of my lifelong reading habit. It hasn’t stopped or even slowed down; not at any point in my life. For example, when stationed on a ship in the Navy, I read the entire contents of its rather small library. Of course <smile>. And I read more now than I ever have, though much of my reading is now online. But I still read several print books every week, between 8 and 10 on average. I tend to go on binges — fiction for a few weeks, non-fiction in a particular subject area for a few weeks. Currently I’m on a political and history binge, reading everything I can get my hands on about the war on terror (there’s a surprising amount of good material out there already)…

Thursday, June 8, 2006

Formative Events

Intro

Every adult can look back at their life and identify some key events that determined the path their life has taken. These are what I’m calling “formative events”.

For myself these formative events come in several flavors. Some have a nature such that I might have been able to identify them as formative events even as they happened. Others I can only identify long after the fact. Some have an element of intention about them; others are accidents — fate, some would say. But what they all have in common is that (at least now) I can look back and say “If that hadn’t happened, my life would have been much different."

The purpose of this (intended) series is to chronicle those formative events in my life. I’m going to write about them not in any organized way (for I’ve never organized these thoughts and memories before), but in whatever haphazard fashion I happen to think of them.

Part 1

A conversation with my mother about my cousin Mike brought this event back to mind. It’s an event I’ve thought of many times over the years, as it had a huge impact on the direction of my life — but I would never have known it at the time.

This event occurred during a visit to my Uncle Earle’s home in northern New Jersey, in the early 1960s when I was about 10 or 11 years old. Uncle Earle (who died several years ago) was my father’s eldest brother, some ten years his senior. He had a career as an electrical engineer, starting back in the days of vacuum tubes; eventually he became the editor of EDN (Electronic Design News) magazine. I’m actually not sure what Uncle Earle was doing, career-wise, at the time of this event, but all that matters in this context is that he was an electrical engineer.

Parts of my memory of this event are quite fuzzy, especially about how it got started. Uncle Earle had a study, or office, or something like that, where he worked on things at home. I was in this room, looking around, and I saw a strange object on a shelf, between some books. This object consisted of a rough sphere (about the size of a softball) of some stuff wrapped up in black electrical tape, with a rat’s nest of bare wires emerging from the top. Interspersed in that rat’s nest of wiring were some tiny neon lamps — and every once in a while, one of them would flash briefly. Years later I built one of these things myself. I’ve forgotten the details, but basically it was some kind of an oscillator coupled with a voltage-multiplier; when the voltage out of the multiplier reached the neon’s breakover voltage it would flash, the voltage would drop, and the cycle would start over.

I was standing there staring at this “thing” when my Uncle Earle walked into the room. He was a very tall, thin man, and I was a little frightened by him — I’m not sure why. I knew, of course, that he was my father’s brother…but he wasn’t anything like my father. I remember that I expected to be in some kind of trouble when he caught me looking at the “thing”.

But instead, he noted my curiousity and started asking me a bunch of questions. This caught me completely by surprise, especially the nature of the questions: he was trying to find out if I was particularly interested in electronics, or even more generally, science and technology. And I was particularly interested in those areas (in other installment, I’ll explore the “whys” of that a bit more) — but nobody had really paid much attention to that before. The closest thing was when my father gave me an old crystal radio that he had built — but he couldn’t explain anything about how it worked.

After a few minutes of questions, Uncle Earle had me come sit down next to him at his desk (or perhaps it was a table, I’m not sure). The next hour or so is something I have a much clearer memory of — not really the precise happenings, but the nature of those happenings. What Uncle Earle did was to give me a very broad, very high bandwidth “introduction to electronics”. A whole lot of what he lectured me about went right over my head, of course. But a few things stuck like glue; they were revelations to me. Perhaps the key one, which seems almost funny at this distance: that you didn’t have to be some kind of Einstein to understand electronics. Anybody — including me, even as a kid — could do it. Another: that you didn’t have to be rich to pursue electronics as a hobby — components could be purchased relatively cheaply, and TV repair shops would give you old dead TVs for free that were chock full of perfectly good components. There were also some very basic electronics concepts that he managed to convey to me, in general form: Ohm’s law, and more generally, the notion that one could predict with certainty how a circuit would behave; and the general notion of what an amplifier actually does. He even put together a very simple circuit — I still remember exactly what it was — to demonstrate Ohm’s law to me. He hooked up a 6V lantern battery in series with a 270 ohm resistor and a 100 ohm resistor, then went through the math to predict the voltage divider’s result, then showed me with a meter that it matched. Amazing stuff for me as a kid. And my Uncle Earle, in that hour or two, covered a huge amount of ground.

I left that room with my brain going a mile a minute, filled with ideas and questions about electronics. And electronics has been a lifelong interest of mine, a continuous thread in my life from that event onward. Over the next few years, I learned much more completely many of the things that my Uncle Earle introduced me to on that day. I scrounged parts from TV shops, exactly as he suggested. I built power supplies, audio amplifiers, and (eventually) radio transmitters and receivers. I did all kinds of experiments (scaring the hell out of my mother, who banned them from our basement and made me perform them in a shack detached from our house). I learned some rudimentary design skills, successfully building a high voltage power supply (using vacuum tube rectifiers) and a primitive super-regenerative receiver of my own design. All of these things I’m sure I would never have done had it not been for my Uncle Earle taking an interest in my interest on that day. And while I’m not actively working in electronic design as a career today, my electronics background did lead rather directly to programming (more on that in another installment).

Years later — in the 1980s sometime — I had a rare telephone conversation with Uncle Earle. I brought up this event with him, as I was curious how he remembered it. He didn’t remember it at all! He did remember the neon lamp blinker, but had no memory of sitting down with me to “talk electronics”. But he was very amused to hear how much impact that event had had on me…

Right after that event, while my head was still spinning, I walked outside the house and smack into another formative event. One of my cousins (Mike, I believe) was tossing a frisbee back-and-forth with my brother Scott. But I had never heard of a frisbee before, and what I saw looked like magic to me: a bright orange disc flying around in a very stable, predictable way — for astounding distances. My first thought was that the frisbee was powered somehow; it’s low-drag flight was very counter-intuitive to me at that moment. I remember getting the frisbee in my hands, and discovering — to my great surprise — that it was simply an orange plastic molded disc (by Wham-O!). And I wanted to know why that damned thing could fly like that.

What made this a formative event was that desire to know why, which (when I got home) turned into my very first adventure in research. I turned first to the encyclopedia we had at home, but didn’t get very far at all, as I had no idea how to look it up (because, amongst other things, I had no idea that the word “aerodynamics” existed!). Frustrated, I asked my teacher at school — who sent me to the library and the librarian. The librarian was someone I knew well, as I checked out a lot of books (more on that in another installment) — but up to that point I had no idea that a librarian could help you find answers to questions (remember, this was in the days before Google!). Our school’s librarian was a sweet little old lady (I can’t recall her name) who was, I think, very bored. She absolutely leapt on this chance to help with some research, and lickedy-split we had a stack of juvenile science books that discussed basic aerodynamics. For the next few days at home, I happily discovered things like Bernoulli’s law, drag vs. lift, and so on — and came away with at least a rough idea of why frisbees could fly so well. It took me a long time, I remember, to figure out that the rotation of a frisbee has little to do with its aerodynamics, but everything to do with its stability — but figure it out I did.

This was a very satisfying experience for me…the very first time I asked “why” or “how” about something in the world of technology or science, and was able to get the answer. It was the first example of many such experiences in my life, a major pattern, really, that continues to this day.

And all because my cousin threw a frisbee.

Zarqawi

Sat down to read the news (online, of course) with my morning cup of (wonderful Pannikin) coffee this morning, and the first thing I read was:

Abu Musab al-Zarqawi is dead! Confirmed!

Oh, man, that’s a nice way to wake up. Is there a man on this earth who more deserved to be killed? I think not…

In addition to removing an evil and dangerous player from the world’s stage, this event also has tremendous symbolic value. For the Iraqis, it’s a concrete, tangible, and much-needed victory in the bitter war they’re fighting. For all the supporters of al Qaeda, worldwide, it’s an equally concrete and tangible defeat that can’t possibly be spun as anything else. One can also hope that al Zarqawi’s removal represents a significant and irreplaceable loss to al Qaeda’s leadership; only time will tell on that one.

This is one of those moments when I almost wish I was a religious man. I’d like to believe — better, to know — that al Zarqawi was roasting on a spit somewhere for all eternity. It galls me to know that his radical Muslim supporters believe that he’s now enjoying his 72 virgins and a beer. But in the end, I’ll settle (quite happily) for just taking great satisfaction in knowing that SOB is dead.

Congratulations to all of those men and women (from the news, I understand that contributions came from Americans, Iraqis, and Jordanians) whose service made al Zarqawi’s death today possible.

Almost lost in the glare of the al Zarqawi news is that Iraqis have another reason to celebrate today: their prime minister has finally announced agreement on the final cabinet ministers, including the all-important defense minister. The Iraqis finally have a democratic government all their own. That infant democracy now has a team in place that can make a go at self-government. We Americans have a lot riding on their success — not just the obvious issue of Iraqis taking over their own defense, but also the strategic value of a successful representative democracy in the Arab Middle East. We need the new Iraqi government to be capable, honest, and effective just as much as the Iraqis themselves need it…

Wednesday, June 7, 2006

Wow!

Simply amazing!

Globalization

Hat tip: Jim M.

Question: What is the truest definition of Globalization?

Answer: Princess Diana’s death.

Question: How come?

Answer: An English princess

with an Egyptian boyfriend

crashes in a French tunnel,

driving a German car

with a Dutch engine,

driven by a Belgian who was drunk

on Scottish whisky, (check the bottle before you change the spelling)

followed closely by Italian Paparazzi,

on Japanese motorcycles;

treated by an American doctor,

using Brazilian medicines.

This is sent to you by an American,

using Bill Gates’s technology,

and you’re probably reading this on your computer,

that uses Taiwanese chips,

and a Korean monitor,

assembled by Bangladeshi workers

in a Singapore plant,

transported by Indian lorry-drivers,

hijacked by Indonesians,

unloaded by Sicilian longshoremen,

and trucked to you by Mexican illegals…

That, my friends, is Globalization!

My monitor is Japanese, but…heh!

Internet Archive

A friend emailed me commenting about finding something he posted on the Web long ago:

I never imagined that it would still be available 10+ years later. I wonder if our blogs will always be available? Given the vastly distributed nature of the Net, it seems likely that our words will exist until earth doesn’t!

This immediately made me think of the Internet Archive, an interesting resource on the web that I hadn’t visited in a long time. From their “about” page:

The Internet Archive is a 501(c)(3) non-profit that was founded to build an “Internet library", with the purpose of offering permanent access for researchers, historians, and scholars to historical collections that exist in digital format. Founded in 1996 and located in the Presidio of San Francisco, the Archive has been receiving data donations from Alexa Internet and others. In late 1999, the organization started to grow to include more well-rounded collections. Now the Internet Archive includes texts, audio, moving images, and software as well as archived web pages in our collections.

Libraries exist to preserve society’s cultural artifacts and to provide access to them. If libraries are to continue to foster education and scholarship in this era of digital technology, it’s essential for them to extend those functions into the digital world.

Many early movies were recycled to recover the silver in the film. The Library of Alexandria — an ancient center of learning containing a copy of every book in the world — was eventually burned to the ground. Even now, at the turn of the 21st century, no comprehensive archives of television or radio programs exist.

But without cultural artifacts, civilization has no memory and no mechanism to learn from its successes and failures. And paradoxically, with the explosion of the Internet, we live in what Danny Hillis has referred to as our “digital dark age."

The Internet Archive is working to prevent the Internet — a new medium with major historical significance — and other “born-digital” materials from disappearing into the past. Collaborating with institutions including the Library of Congress and the Smithsonian, we are working to preserve a record for generations to come.

Open and free access to literature and other writings has long been considered essential to education and to the maintenance of an open society. Public and philanthropic enterprises have supported it through the ages.

The Internet Archive is opening its collections to researchers, historians, and scholars. The Archive has no vested interest in the discoveries of the users of its collections, nor is it a grant-making organization.

At present, the size of our Web collection is such that using it requires programming skills. However, we are hopeful about the development of tools and methods that will give the general public easy and meaningful access to our collective history. In addition to developing our own collections, we are working to promote the formation of other Internet libraries in the United States and elsewhere.

The Internet Archive started out with a simple idea: to take periodic “snapshots” of the world wide web — the whole thing — and preserve them for eternity. Add to that some search tools, and you’ve got yourself an interesting resource. From the above description, they’ve obviously expanded the scope of their mission.

Before the web, electronic communications were almost universally ephemeral. For ancient and venerable hackers like me, this means that anything we did in electronic form in the 1970s or 1980s is likely gone, and gone forever. Actually in my case there’s one shining exception: a Basic interpreter I wrote in the late 1970s ("Tarbell Basic") has been “rescued” by depraved hobbyists, and the source code is posted now on the web. But that’s very much an exception — all the other things that I did are gone, so far as I know. Work on electronic media, where there are no scraps of paper left over, has this ability to just disappear.

The advent of the world wide web, though, changes things considerably; these changes are aided by cheap storage media. The Internet Archive now has 55 billion pages stored. If I estimate that each page averages 100 kilobytes (including photos, etc.), then that requires a total of 5.5 terabytes to store (without considering compression possibilities). I have over 3 terabytes of storage in my home office (I know, I’m not normal!). I won’t call that a trivial amount of storage, but it’s certainly not expensive — well under $10,000. Think about that for a moment: for under $10,000, anyone could buy enough storage to keep a history of the entire world wide web. Amazing!

But back to my friend’s question… I looked up “www.jamulblog.com” in the Internet Archive, and they did have a few pages archived — but only a very few, and quite old. I’ve submitted a request for them to archive my blog, but a notice I read makes me suspect it won’t work — it seems the Internet Archive won’t attempt to archive “live” sorts of pages. I suspect this exclusion was forced upon them by blogs — especially machine-generated spam blogs, which generate millions of new (and completely worthless) pages every day, just for the purpose of getting Google hits and displaying some ads.

I hate spammers, almost as much as I hate ground squirrels. But at least I can shoot the damned ground sqiurrels!

Tuesday, June 6, 2006

D-Day

Forty-two years ago today, on June 6, 1944, the largest military operation ever attempted unfolded on the beaches of Normany, France. Hundreds of thousands of soldiers, sailors and airmen — in tens of thousands of planes, ships, landing craft, tanks, and other vehicles — attacked the well-defended German positions. The scale of this operation, even by today’s computerized standards, was staggeringly large. Success was far from certain: Eisenhower (the commander of the Allied efforts) had a letter prepared to release, apologizing and taking the blame for failure. Commanders at every level were well aware of the unlikely combination of circumstances that would be required for success.

It was, of course, a resounding and glorious success. How different our world would be had those brave men failed!

At this remove it’s very hard to imagine what it must have felt like to be one of the men involved in that operation. You’d know, of course, that the hopes of the free world rode on your shoulders. You’d know that domination by evil would be the price of failure. Those sound like powerful motivators; absent in today’s discussions of the war on terror. But you’d also know — surely this much trickled down to even the front-line grunts — that your enemy was well-positioned, superbly armed and equipped, in fortified positions, and led by first-class officers. You’d know there was a good chance you’d be injured or killed. It’s difficult to conceive of a more frightening context.

And yet they went anyway, in their legions, charging up those beaches past the bodies of their dead comrades, and through the screams of their injured buddies. They fought over the beach, up the cliffs, and in the hedgerow country beyond to establish a secure foothold from which to launch an assault on the enemy’s homeland. Thousands died; tens of thousands were wounded. Heroic actions became almost routine; legends were born by the minute. But they persevered and they prevailed, these awesome men; the forces of evil were ravaged.

I can scarcely credit the courage and determination of those men. But I certainly can remember and honor it, on this anniversary.

I hope you will as well.

Some resources on D-Day: here, here, here, here, and here.

Monday, June 5, 2006

Tradeable Gasoline Rights

When I saw Martin Feldstein’s name on this article I read it with some interest — after all, Mr. Feldstein is a famous and well-respected economist, and professor at Harvard…

From today’s WSJ ($), by Martin Feldstein:

The rapid rise in the price of gasoline has produced calls for tougher fuel economy standards on new cars and trucks. Although reduced gasoline consumption would be good for the environment and for national security, such a regulatory change would be a mistake. A far better approach would be a system of tradeable gasoline rights, or TGRs. These could be distributed in a way that actually raises the income of a majority of households while giving everyone an incentive to reduce gasoline consumption.

In a system of tradeable gasoline rights, the government would give each adult a TGR debit card. The gasoline pumps at service stations that now read credit cards and debit cards would be modified to read these new TGR debit cards as well. Buying a gallon of gasoline would require using up one tradeable gasoline right as well as paying money.

The government would decide how many gallons of gasoline should be consumed per year and would give out that total number of TGRs. In 2006, Americans will buy about 110 billion gallons of gasoline. To keep that total unchanged in 2007, the government would distribute 110 billion TGRs. To reduce total gasoline consumption by 5%, it would cut the number of TGRs to 104.5 billion.

Mr. Feldstein has gone off the deep end.

The key indicator is this sentence fragment: “The government would decide how many gallons of gasoline should be consumed per year…"

Where, pray tell, did our founding fathers envision that role of government included limiting our consumption of a freely available resource?

And how in the world did an economist manage to talk himself out of letting the free market handle the job all by itself, by allowing higher prices from scarcity to throttle demand?

I am so surprised by Mr. Feldstein’s piece that I’m wondering if it might be an elaborate satire on his part, published with the complicity of the WSJ.

But the simpler explanation is that he’s simply nuts.