Why Does This Sound So Plausible?

Via my mom:

An engineer dies and reports to hell.

Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they've got air conditioning and flushing toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.

One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?"

Satan replies, "Hey things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flushing toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."

God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake -- he should never have gotten down there; send him up here."

Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."

God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."

Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are you going to get a lawyer?"

A New Low for a Lawyer?

Maybe.

This lawyer takes a woman he's known for many years as a divorce client.  He ends up having an affair with her.  He bills her for the times they were having sex.  Then he breaks up with her.  That same day, she tries to kill herself.  She survives, and accuses the lawyer.  He denies it all initially, but finally admits it.  He's been suspended from the practice of law indefinitely.

That's not all.  Back in 1997, he was put on probation because he bought cocaine from a client.

Sheesh...

The Brothel...

This little story comes from reader Jim M.:

The Brothel

The madam opened the brothel door and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties.

'May I help you sir?' she asked.

'I want to see Valerie,' the man replied.

'Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else', said the madam.

'No, I must see Valerie,' he replied.

Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man she charged $5000 a visit. Without hesitation, the man pulled out five thousand dollars and gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs.. After an hour, the man calmly left.

The next night, the man appeared again, once more demanding to see Valerie. Valerie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row as she was too expensive. But there were no discounts. The price was still $5000.

Again, the man pulled out the money, gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs.. After an hour, he left.

The following night the man was there yet again. Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night, but he paid Valerie and they went upstairs.

After their session, Valerie questioned the man, 'No one has ever been with me three nights in a row. Where are you from?'she asked.

The man replied, ' Ontario '.

'Really?', she said. 'I have family in Ontario .'

'I know.' the man said. 'Your sister died, and I am her attorney. She asked me to give you your $15,000 inheritance.'

The moral of the story is that three things in life are certain.
1. Death
2. Taxes
3. Being screwed by a lawyer

Lawyers Cause Problems...

I can't believe we're even having a discussion about lawyers on the battlefield, much less actually giving them operational control over weaponry.  We're morphing into Euroweenies faster than I thought, I guess. 

But at least someone had the good sense to take the keys to the UAVs away from the lawyers...

WTF?

First, absorb this statement concerning Abdiwali Abdiqadir Muse, the sole surviving pirate of the group that hijacked the Maersk Alabama:

"I think in this particular case, there's a grave question as to whether America was in violation of principles of truce in warfare on the high seas. This man seemed to come onto the Bainbridge under a flag of truce to negotiate. He was then captured. There is a question whether he is lawfully in American custody and serious questions as to whether he can be prosecuted because of his age."

What's your reaction to that?

If you said to yourself “Yeah, why are they prosecuting this poor guy?”, then please leave my website and move to somewhere like, say, France.

If you said to yourself “I need more ammunition and less lawyers”, well, then, you're in the right place.

So far as I'm concerned, the only mistake our military made with the surviving pirate is the word “surviving”.

More SEALs, fewer lawyers.

More direct, substantive and effective action, less arrogant and effete blathering.

Oh, I guess those two statements are more or less equivalent, aren't they?