Thursday, November 12, 2015

You know you're from California if...

You know you're from California if...  My cousin Mike D. passed this along:
So as not to be outdone by all the redneck, hillbilly, and West Virginia jokes, somebody had to come up with this: You know you're from California if...
  1. Your coworker has 8 body piercings and none are visible.
  2. You make over $300,000 and still can't afford a house.
  3. You take a bus and are shocked at two people carrying on a conversation in English.
  4. Your child's 3rd-grade teacher has purple hair, a nose ring, and is named Flower.
  5. You can't remember ... is pot illegal?
  6. You've been to a baby shower that has two mothers and a sperm donor.
  7. You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans are grown, and you can taste the difference between Sumatran and Ethiopian.
  8. You can't remember ... is pot illegal?
  9. A really great parking space can totally move you to tears.
  10. Gas costs $1.00 per gallon more than anywhere else in the U.S.
  11. Unlike back home, the guy at 8:30 am at Starbucks wearing a baseball cap and sunglasses who looks like George Clooney really IS George Clooney.
  12. Your car insurance costs as much as your house payment.
  13. You can't remember pot illegal?
  14. It's barely sprinkling rain and there's a report on every news station: "STORM WATCH."
  15. You pass an elementary school playground and the children are all busy with their cells or pagers.
  16. Or It's barely sprinkling rain outside, so you leave for work an hour early to avoid all the weather-related accidents.
  17. HEY!!!! Is pot illegal????
  18. Both you AND your dog have therapists, psychics, personal trainers and cosmetic surgeons.
  19. The Terminator was your governor.
  20. If you drive illegally, they take your driver's license. If you're here illegally, they want to give you one.
Years ago I worked in Orange County, a hundred miles or so from home. I'd go up there for a few days each week, staying overnight in a local motel. In the mornings I'd go to a coffee shop right near the motel for my morning caffeine hit. The girl at the counter there was an extreme example of the first item above. I called her “metal woman” because her weight was at least half from the piercings she had. While they were nominally not visible, the bumps from them showed - easily threw the lightweight tops she wore. Braless, of course. I say "nominally not visible" because she was all too willing to show anybody those piercings. Make the slightest comment about those piercings within her hearing, and the next thing you know she's whipping out a body part that even in California isn't normally seen in a coffee shop at 5 am :)

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