Monday, October 31, 2011

Are You a Democrat, a Republican, or a Southerner?

By this test, I'm somewhere between a Republican and a Southerner.  By most other tests, I'm a long way from either :-).  Via reader Jim M.:
You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children.  Suddenly, a Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges straight at you...

You are carrying a Kimber 1911 cal. 45 ACP with a 7 bullet magazine, and you are an expert shot.  You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.  What do you do?

Democrat's Answer:
  • Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!
  • What is a Kimber 1911 cal. 45 ACP?
  • Does the man look poor or oppressed?
  • Is he really a terrorist? Am I guilty of profiling?
  • Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
  • Could we run away?
  • What does my wife think?
  • What about the kids?
  • Were the bullets made by unionized labor being paid a living wage?
  • Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?
  • What does the law say about this situation?
  • Does the pistol have appropriate safety built into it?
  • Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?
  • Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?
  • Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?
  • If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?
  • Should I call 9-1-1?
  • Why is this street so deserted?
  • We need to raise taxes, have paint & weed day.
  • Can we make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.
  • I need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come to a consensus.
  • This is all so confusing!

Republican's Answer:
  • BANG!

Southerner's Answer:
  • Click..... (Sounds of reloading)
  • Click
  • Daughter: 'Nice grouping, Daddy!  Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Hollow Points?!
  • Son: 'Can I shoot the next one?!'
  • Wife: 'You ain't taking that to the Taxidermist!


  1. I would fall under Southerner......

  2. I fired a Kimber Custom .45 at the range awhile back. The sights were crappy. Worn so much it was hard to use them in the dim light. But the trigger was so crisp that 5 shot groups in under half inch at 15 yards was possible. Wonder what I could have done if I could actually see the sights? Really pricey though. But can you really put a price on personal protection and/or single shot Zombie take-down?