Thursday Morning Blonde Joke...

Via reader Jim M.:

A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.

'Impossible!' says the doctor. 'Show me.'

The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed.

Likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.

The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, are you?

'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.'

'I thought so,' the doctor said. 'Your finger is broken.'

I can almost feel my wife (who is blonde) kicking me...

Ghost of Political Correctness Yet to Come...

There's one way in which the U.K. is a few years ahead of the U.S.: in their journey down the path of political correctness. The photo at right is what provoked the latest example. Read about it...and weep:

A police force has apologised to Islamic leaders for the "offensive" postcard advertising a new non-emergency telephone number, which shows a six-month-old trainee police dog named Rebel.

The German shepherd puppy has proved hugely popular with the public, hundreds of who have logged on to the force's website to read his online training diary.

But some Muslims in the Dundee area have reportedly been upset by the image because they consider dogs to be "ritually unclean", while shopkeepers have refused to display the advert.

Tayside Police have admitted they should have consulted their 'diversity' officers before issuing the cards, but critics argued their apology was unnecessary.

I can't believe that Muslims are actually so offended by a photo of a puppy. Surely, if that were so, we'd have heard about it long before this. I think a much more likely explanation is that some mullah, totally bemused by his enemy's propensity for cultural suicide, decided to see just how far he could push the boundaries of political correctness. Right about now, he's probably in pain from laughing so hard...

Don't laugh too hard, though, folks – this path is exactly where Obama and the Democrats want us to go...

Here's a link to the web site of the police force mentioned above.

Harry Reid...

Dennis Miller says it – the way I wish I could:



Oh, ouch!

But Hapless Harry deserves every morsel of this...

War and Decision...

Even though the war in Iraq started just five years ago, there have already been quite a few books about it published. Unfortunately, most of these books have been written by people with a much stronger grasp on their opinions and ideology than on the facts. I've been assuming that we'd have to wait a decade or more before any first-hand material made it through the declassification and publication pipeline – but I've just finished reading one that has made it already: War and Decision, by Douglas J. Feith. Mr. Feith is not an outside observer – he was the Undersecretary of Defense for Policy from 2001 to 2005, and was right in the middle of all the decision making that led up to the war and through the first two years of the war.

This book has received very little attention in the mainstream media, and after reading it, it's easy to see why: the book demolishes the mainstream media's cherished myths about how we decided to go to war against Saddaam Hussein, and about why we conducted the war and its aftermath as we did. The book has the unmistakable ring of authenticity and truth – Mr. Feith is an observer with his own biases, but he writes like a historian, with scrupulous attention to sourcing and citations. Click on the link above to read other reviews of this fine book (not all of them are positive), and to buy it from Amazon if you'd like to. I highly recommend it.

New Moon...

When I walked the dogs this morning, around 4:30 AM, there was a beautiful new moon hanging just above the mountains that form our northern horizon. Our skies have been quite hazy for the past week or so, mainly from dilute smoke from the fires far north of us. This haze gave the new moon a slightly yellow cast, but didn't really hide any detail. The sky surrounding the moon was just barely brighter than the black of the rest of the sky; the moon is still separated from the sun by a large enough angle to put it in the night sky. Probably tomorrow morning it will not be framed by the black of night, but rather by the brightening sky of morning...

Meanwhile, Debbie and I enjoyed several things about this new moon: its large apparent size (an illusion caused by its proximity to the horizon), the very bright “earthshine” (the dark portion of the moon being illuminated by light reflected from the Earth), the moon's appearance much further north than we usually see it (because it's summertime), and the beautiful contrast of the new moon against the almost-black night sky...

Hitched -- Now With Photos!

Tara (a family friend) was at Jim and Michelle's wedding, taking bazillions of photos. At the brunch this morning, she gave away CDs with all the photos on them, and gave me permission to put any I wanted up on the blog.

There will be more later, but here's a first taste:

From left to right, these are:

1. Rodrigo (who gave away the bride) and Michelle, just before Rodrigo walked her down to the arbor.
   
2. Jim, Frank (the minister), and Michelle, during the wedding ceremony.
3. Karen, Michelle, Jim, and me, in one of the bazillion formal photo sessions after the ceremony.
4. Michelle and Jim, during their first dance as a married couple.
5. Michelle, Jim, me, and Debbie, while I was giving my toast.
   

As always, you can click on any of these photos to get a larger version.

Hitched!

Jim and Michelle are married! The ceremony (at Pine Hills Lodge, just outside of Julian) was beautiful, and the festivities carried on until way past our bedtime – we left at 9:30 PM, and many people were still there, dancing and having a good time.

This was the first time I'd ever been the “best man” for a wedding, and I really had no idea what I was expected to do. I'd been told that my job was to (a) give Michelle's wedding ring to Jim at the appropriate moment in the ceremony, and (b) to give a toast during the reception afterwards. So I thought I'd have lots of time to take photos, and I brought my camera along. But actually there were many things that the best man was supposed to do, so I ended up having very little time to take photos!

The first photo above is of Debbie and Jim. We arrived a little early, and Jim had not dressed yet. This is the last photo you'll see in which he looks anything like normal!

There were dozens of people taking bazillions of photos at the wedding. I'm sure we'll be getting lots more photos from other people, and I'll put some of them up here. Our friends Vera and Konstantin were there (with huge happy smiles the entire time), and Konstantin took lots of photos; he's already promised to send me his...

Before the ceremony, we walked through the area where it would be held. Behind Debbie you can see the arbor; that's where the actual ceremony took place. There were over a hundred guests in those chairs (and standing behind them) just a half hour after I took this picture.

Michelle's brother-in-law (Rodrigo) was the man in charge of the male half of the wedding preparations. He rounded up Jim and I, and took us off to a cabin where we made our preparations. Jim changed from his shorts and Hawaiian shirt into his suit, and Rodrigo (who is an expert on men's clothing) made sure our ties were tied correctly, that our suits were correctly assembled, and that our corsages were pinned where they were supposed to be.

Then we had a short break as we waited for the minister to show up. Here you can see Jim standing in the doorway of the cabin, looking just a little nervous and excited. The minister (Frank) arrived a couple minutes later, we all sat down in a screened porch. It turns out that Frank is interested in technology, and when he discovered that he had a couple of geeks in the room with him, he launched into a conversation about new broadband technologies for rural Internet service. That was an unexpected topic at Jim's wedding, but I think it served to relax Jim a bit...

Rodrigo came in and led us all back to the arbor for the ceremony. Jim, Frank, and I arrived at the arbor first, and then we waited for Michelle and Karen (the matron of honor) to walk down. As we waited, we noticed that a cat had joined us at the arbor. It stood right next to Jim, facing the audience, as though he fully expected to be a part of the proceedings! We heard the wedding march first, and then we saw Michelle and Karen – Michelle was beautiful, and simultaneously happy and crying. There were many tears in the audience; all happy tears. The ceremony itself was very short and simple. When the moment came for me to give Jim the ring, I had a bit of trouble getting his attention (as he was completely focused on Michelle, of course) – I had to pull on his sleeve to get him to accept it . But I don't think anyone noticed, and soon the ceremony was over – and Jim and Michelle were officially Mr. & Mrs. Barnick!

This is when things really got busy for me, and the best man duties became numerous. The photographer organized a large number of group photos, always, of course, including the bride and groom. Every time I thought she had taken the last group photo that included me, they would call me over for another one. I think there must have been at least 50 group photos that I was in. Finally they were all done...but then the photographer (Terry) wanted to take a group photo of the entire group – over a hundred people! She went up to a balcony on the second floor of the lodge, and arranged all of us below her. We all had to squeeze together tightly to fit in her picture; to get this to happen, Terry was barking out commands like a drill sergeant, rounding up people from the edges and getting everybody squished together tightly enough.

Finally all the formal photography was done, and we were ready for the reception. All of the guests went inside and were seated, and then Karen and I walked in (and were introduced by a speaker), followed by Jim and Michelle. They had their first dance together as a married couple (very cute), and then we all sat down for dinner. It was quite a scene – Jim and Michelle circulated all through the guests, who were seated at many tables. The head table had about ten people seated, including Jim and Michelle (eventually even they got to sit down!), Debbie and I, Karen, and a few other friends and family. After our dinner, the champagne was poured, and it was time for the toasts to the bride and groom. I was the first; here's what I said:

I first met Jim over thirty years ago, as we served together in the U.S. Navy – and we both still had all our hair. Through all the years since then, he's been my best and closest friend. We've shared many things – work and play, lots of laughter, a few tears...and now we're next-door neighbors out in Lawson Valley, near Jamul.

I've had the privilege of watching Jim grow from a shy, naive kid from Minnesota into an altogether admirable (if somewhat hair-challenged) man from California. I can tell you first-hand that he's had a good life, in many ways an enviable life. But until that wonderful day when Jim first met Michelle, one very important thing was always missing from my friend's life: someone to share it with.

Now, Jim knows me very well. Right about now, he's probably expecting me to say something deeply embarrassing. And you know I could! But...relax, Jim. Instead, I'm going to be serious – at least for a moment – and quote one of my heroes.

Ronald Reagan once said:

“There is no greater happiness for a man
than approaching a door at the end of a day,
knowing that someone on the other side of that door is waiting for the sound of his footsteps.”

Michelle has brought great happiness to my friend Jim, and vice versa.

So today I toast them, and offer this wish: may it always be so.

Karen spoke after me, telling all of us the story of how Jim and Michelle first met. She had us all both laughing and crying. I'll never be able to remember all she said, or do it justice – I'm hoping that someone took a video that we can post. Rodrigo took the microphone after Karen, and before he could speak, someone in the audience begged him not to make us cry any more. He didn't.

After toasts, it was time to cut the wedding cake – and then the music started, and many people got up to dance. Debbie managed to talk Jim into dancing with her, to Chubby Checkers and “The Twist.” When she finished that dance, we were ready to drive home – too much late-night partying for us old folks!

It's Sunday morning as I write this, and in just a few minutes, we're headed back up to the lodge, where Jim and Michelle are hosting a brunch for all the wedding guests.

Wolf Totem

I just finished a most excellent book: Wolf Totem, by Jiang Rong, translated by Howard Goldblatt. This is (amazingly) a first novel by a Chinese writer; the writer's own experiences were the “research”. Most of the novel takes place in China of the 1960s, in the crazy days of Mao Tse Tung. The main character is a student who was forced out of the city and school to go work in the countryside. He volunteers to go to the most primitive place in all of China, to live with the nomadic Mongolian tribes who herd horses, sheep, and yaks.

As a reader, you walk away from this novel with a very detailed picture of the hard, surprisingly complex life of the Mongolian tribes. Their lives were immutably interlinked with the health of the vast Mongolian grasslands and the major creature populations it supported: humans, mice, marmots, sheep, horses, yaks, and...the awesomely fierce Mongolian wolves. Humans and wolves shared the top of the food chain, and had to stay in balance to keep the grasslands healthy. Human culture grew up around that need, with lore and custom finely honed to keep everything working.

Later in the novel, modern technology and an alien culture (the Han Chinese) moved into the grasslands, with technology and an utter disregard for maintaining the grassland habitat. The results are entirely predictable, and very sad. The novel can be read as a withering critique of the central Chinese “management” of Mongolia – which makes it all the more surprising that this book is a runaway bestseller in China, and has not been restricted by the government. In fact, this book has outsold any book ever published in China, save one: Mao's Little Red Book.

Don't miss it – it's simply wonderful.

Wedding Day...

Today my best friend is getting married, and I'm the best man. Jim and Michelle are getting married at a B&B just outside of the town of Julian, up in the mountains. It's a beautiful summer day – blue skies (a little hazy from the fires to the north of us) and not too hot. The ceremony is at 5:30, and we'll probably be there for several hours afterwards.

Blogging will be light, but tomorrow I'll post some photos and my toast to the newlyweds...

Telegram for Mr. Billary...

Your evening smile:


Thanks, SimonM!

A New Scam...

This morning I stopped to fill up my truck at the Jamul 7/11, on the corner of Steele Canyon Road and Campo Road. I started the pump, then got the squeegee and paper towels to clean my windshield and mirrors. Shortly after I started this chore, two young women approached me. I could tell from their demeanor that they were going to try to sell me something; the only question was what.

With big smiles and an earnest tone, they told me that they had the answer to the high price of oil – they could sell me the way to get 150 miles per gallon of gasoline! That's about 9 times better than my truck gets now – with gas at $4.58 a gallon, you have to admit that's an attractive pitch...

They had small plastic bottles – about the size of the liquor bottles the airlines sell you – filled with a dark green liquid. One bottle would treat one tank full of gas (they told me it didn't matter how big my gas tank was), and any vehicle that was so treated would get 150 miles per gallon for that entire tankful. All they wanted was $4.

I sent them on their way, and not in a particularly polite manner. Parasites like this really piss me off. Later, as I was completing my transaction, I watched them sell two bottles of their snake oil to other customers.

There's one born every minute. At least one.

The Rest of the Story...

Well, yesterday Debbie got her LandCruiser back from the independent repair shop. The final bill was $900, just over half the $1,700 estimate from the dealer. From everything I can tell, the workmanship was excellent – as was the communication and straight dealing.

On top of all that, the independent repair shop has a cat. That sealed the deal for Debbie !

So it's time to name names:

The dealer who gave us the outrageous quote for a simple brake job and a minor air conditioning repair (a hose): Toyota of El Cajon. We have been patronizing them for ten years, and just last year I purchased a new truck from them. I think it's fair to say that we were good customers. Were.

The independent repair shop is Rancho Jamul Auto Care, at 13975 Campo Road (State 94). Their phone number is 619/669-2848. They're between the Jamul Post Office and the feed shop, on the same side of the road. I've been driving past them for years and never even knew they were there!

My Guns Are Safe...

At least for the moment, the state or county government can't put an outright ban on guns in place, thanks to yesterday's Heller decision from the U.S. Supreme Court. So naturally my first reaction was “Hurrah!” After the warm glow of affirmed individual rights wore off, though, my next reaction was a bit different:

In other news, 5-4 was bit too close for comfort in my opinion. I was figuring on 6-3 or 7-2, honestly. Sure, this quiz was pass/fail but we were only one heart attack away, my friends. I hate to say it but that one reason is why I’ll hold my nose, get good and hammered, and pull the lever for John McCain. And I’d have to shower after that too.

What he said. It might actually be true that the single most last consequence of any Presidential election is the selection of Supreme Court justices...

April 16, 1178 B.C., Around Noon...

That's when Odysseus returned to Penelope:

The scientists first created a rough chronology of events depicted in the "Odyssey." First, 29 days before the supposed eclipse and the massacre of the suitors, three constellations are mentioned as Odysseus sets out from the island of Ogygia, where he has spent seven years as a captive of the beautiful nymph Calypso. Odysseus is told to watch the Pleiades and late-setting Boötes and keep the Great Bear to his left. Next, five days before the supposed eclipse, Odysseus arrives in Ithaca as the Star of Dawn — that is, Venus — rises ahead of the sun.

Finally, the night before the eclipse, there is a new moon.

Also, the messenger of the gods, Hermes, is sent west to Ogygia by the king of the gods Zeus to release Odysseus and then immediately returns back east roughly 34 days before the eclipse. The researchers conjecture this trip refers to an apparent turning point of the motion of the planet Mercury. (Mercury was the Roman name for Hermes.)

Mercury completes its orbit around the sun in just roughly 88 days, compared with the year it takes Earth to do so. This means that Mercury and Earth are somewhat like two cars moving along separate lanes of a racetrack at different speeds. The effect of these motions is that Mercury occasionally appears to go backward or retrograde in the sky from our point of view, Magnasco explained. This happens for roughly three weeks at a time, about three times a year.

The scientists then searched for potential dates that satisfied all these astronomical references close to the fall of Troy, which has over the centuries been estimated to have occurred between roughly 1250 to 1115 B.C. From these 135 years, they found just one date satisfied all the references — April 16, 1178 B.C., the same date as the proposed eclipse.

Very cool!

Car Repair Blues...

We own a 1995 Toyota LandCruiser with almost 250,000 miles on it – so naturally we have more repairs these days than we did a few years ago. But yesterday Debbie got a real shock at the dealer where we've been taking our vehicles for the past 10 years or so – a routine brake maintenance job was quoted at $1,700, far more than such jobs had cost us in the past.

Debbie was very unhappy with this, but left the truck for repairs anyway. A short while later, she was talking with a friend who confirmed for her how outrageous the quote was, and told her to “Make them stop working on your truck. Take it out of the dealer and take it Dave at Jamul Auto Care.” So Debbie did exactly that, and the initial estimate from them was “less than $500.”

Our LandCruiser is down there now for repair. I'll let you know how it goes...

Quote of the Day...

Via FoxNews:

“CEOs of fossil energy companies know what they are doing and are aware of the long-term consequences of continued business as usual. In my opinion, these CEOs should be tried for high crimes against humanity and nature.”

Spoken yesterday by James Hansen, director of the NASA Goddard Institute for Space Studies. He is the highest ranking climate scientist in our government. And he's seriously loony.

Your tax dollars at work.

Programming Languages...

Most programmers have worked with at least a few different programming languages. Those who are as ancient as I have likely worked with many. Some programmers have a nearly religious attachment to their One Right Language; others are less concerned about the language than they are about the algorithms and data structures. I'm definitely in the latter camp.

Recently I came across this web site, which attempts to rank programming languages by the number of programmers who use them – measured indirectly by the number of web searches involving them.

I was not surprised to see Java in the number one slot, nor was I surprised that C and C++ took the next two slots. This measure has those “big three” taking 50% of the total search hits. Everyday experience says this can't be far off the mark, as virtually everyone I know professionally works in one or more of these three languages.

But that is not to say this chart had no surprises for me! I was stunned to see that JavaScript ranked so low. It's almost impossible to write web applications without using JavaScript, web applications surely dominate all application development today, and yet...under 3% of the search hits involved JavaScript. I don't understand how this could be so low.

But even more stunning to me is that Delphi (which evolved from Pascal) and Pascal itself are having a bit of a resurgence in popularity. I did a lot of development in Pascal back in the '70s and '80s; it was the first high level language that I really enjoyed using (I was a real assembly language cowboy back then!). It was also my introduction to object-oriented programming (via Borland's Object Pascal). I'd never have expected them to be on the rise...

One last personal reaction: the chart makes me feel a little old, as most of the languages I've worked in aren't on the chart at all. Assembly language is gone. Remember dBase, anyone? PL/1? Pogo? B? CMSII? And yet...I've worked in 12 of the 20 languages on the chart (counting even casual encounters). Yikes!

Change You Can Be Sure Of...

Oh, Yes...

Here's some political commentary from Hollywood's past:


Hard to imagine seeing something this tasty today!

Hat tip to SimonM for reminding me of this classic – and to YouTube for making video clips so easy to find...

Origin of Corn Flakes...

Now here's something completely unexpected (to me, at least!): several now-common foods were invented for the purpose of suppressing our animal passions. One specific example: the Kellogg brothers invented corn flakes as part of a dietary program, one objective for which was to reduce masturbation and other dangerous sexual behaviors.

No, I'm not kidding. Read more here, here, and here.

I'll never be able to look at corn flakes or graham crackers the same way again!